Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature and history of their own country, rather than the literature and history of other countries.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is believed by some individuals that children should learn about their own country's literature and historic events instead of studying the literature and history of other nations. Although I understand the importance of teaching children the literature and history of their country, I believe it is also essential for children to know about other countries' literature and history.
On the one hand, when children learn about the literature of their own country, they can understand the way people in their country think and how they express themselves. Based on that understanding, they can decide wether to continue or make changes to it so that they can create a better and more humane environment for themselves and their children to live in. When it comes to the study of the history of their own country, by learning about the past events, they can understand the struggles that previous generations had to go through so that they can enjoy what they have today. For example, many children in Vietnam tend to take food for granted until they learn about the 1945 famine when millions of Vietnamese died simply because they did not have any food to eat.
On the other hand, teaching children about world's literature allows children to reach above their horizons and understand that humans are the same everywhere. Although they speak different languages in different places and the way they express themselves may vary from one culture to another, deep down inside, we are all the same. This teaching of world's literature can boost compassion and mutual understanding among peoples. Similarly, while learning one's own history is like looking at a piece of a puzzle, learning world's history allows children to have a look at the bigger picture. They can make better sense of what is going on between countries around the world and, from there, they can make better preparations for what is to come in the future.
In conclusion, I personally believe that children should be taught both national and international history and literature, for the sake of their own country and of the global community.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 This is an extent essay. So the format for the discussion should be in a degree that supports the "extent" of your dis/agreement with the given statement. There needs to be a measured response with regards to your dis/agreement with the given discussion. Therefore, your response to the essay is incorrect as you do not directly address the given question, nor outline your relevant discussion topics for the next 2 paragraphs. You actually deviated from the original prompt discussion as indicated:
DI: To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Response: I believe it is also essential for children to know about other countries' literature and history.
That is a prompt deviation that shows a response which is not included in the original discussion instructions. There was an instruction misunderstanding on your part which led to the incorrect prompt response. You created your own discussion topic and format. These led to the lack of a clear opinion on your part, which was caused to your non-response to the provided question will surely cause you to get a non-passing TA score. While you do have a final decision presented in the conclusion, it is still not in accordance with the required discussion format (extent response) and therefore, cannot help to boost your TA score.
This is precisely why I always ask my students to ask me to explain the prompt to them, before they start to write their essays. If you are unsure about how to approach the discussion, or what the writing style for the prompt is, it is better to ask questions first, than to be sorry later. Writing a lot of words, in this case 333, does not help your essay since you did not provide the required discussion response at the start. That affected your overall response and, due the remaining errors in your writing based on the last scoring considerations, your essay will have difficulty in achieving even a 5 band score. Always present a clear position based on the discussion requirements. Do that, and you have passed half the test.
My advice, read the sample essays here, Learn from their mistakes but more importantly, learn what the proper approach to various Task 2 discussion instructions might be. Only by learning from the failure of others can you improve your own skills and avoid the same mistakes.
