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IELTS essay, technolgy and traditional ways



my88626 8 / 12  
Nov 28, 2012   #1
Hello everybody, thanks to help me revise my IELTS essay, I need to get 6 in writing test.

When country develops its technology, the traditional skills and way of life die out. agree or disagree?

Technology are growing very fast in the modern world, technological equipment is widely used in our daily life. In this fast changing environment, someone may think it's no longer necessary to keep traditional skills alive. I disagree with the idea.

Although technology make our life fell more convenient, we have become totally reply on it. When doing some math problems, people use calculator and computer instead of our own brain, result can be worked out automatically, at the same time, we use our mind to think and judge much lesser than before. Also, some of the courses and degrees can be taught by using online teaching system, while it save much time to attend the classes, both teachers and students lose the opportunity to discuss face to face, which have negative impact on our communication skills. Furthermore, the trend is that plenty of jobs in the factory are easily replaced by machine, pushing many workers to pick up new knowledge, otherwise they will lose their jobs.

Traditional ways represent not only a country, but also a culture and history, it should be preserved and kept for our young generation. Interestingly, Technology can be fully used to preserve the traditional culture. For instance, Google released their online museum project which show you hundreds of famous museums and their most valued arts around the world. By clicking your mouse you will see a very clear and high quality scan of painting.

In a summary, technology is our best friend, we should keep our traditional skills as well. When we enjoying the better life technology bring us, we need to protect our culture foundation as well.

dumi 1 / 6793  
Nov 29, 2012   #2
When doing some math problems, people use calculator and computer instead of our own brain, result can be worked out automatically, at the same time, we use our mind to think and judge much lesser than before.

Avoid such long sentences... they tend to disturb your flow and clarity of your idea. Let's break this sentence into a few and see how clarity improves;

When we do some math problems, we now use calculator or computer instead of doing mental calculations. These devices produce much faster and accurate results than our own mind.

It seems you have understood the essay structure that is required to follow for this task. Pay more attention to vocabulary and clarity of your ideas. Practice with simple and short sentences. When you are more confident, you can lengthen the sentences!
OP my88626 8 / 12  
Nov 29, 2012   #3
Thank you Dumi!
I have the same feeling that I am lack of vocabulary when I write essays, even though I know lots of them, I cannot remind and apply to writing task.

Thank you:)


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