Technological advancement have substantial effects on children's leisure time

Question:
New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time.

Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Answer:
It is controversial that technological advances may have some effects on children's leisure time, which may replace some useful habits. In spite of several benefits that this trend provides, it seems to me that its problems are more significant.

On the one hand, modern devices can be seen as positive for several reasons. To begin with, children can increase their visual and logical thinking by playing computer games. For example, some videos and role-playing games such as Batman: Arkham Knight, Mortal Kombat, and PUBG, and some interactive games can increase their flexibility and creative thinking. In addition, the Internet is an ideal way to keep abreast with many events which occur in daily life as well as some recreational activities, some news that is trendy for younger generations, some stories and information or courses in different fields such as English, Math, etc. in terms of e-reader in lieu of spending time and money going to the shop to buy these. This can result in easily catch up with the latest information and enhance their knowledge even though we stay at home or travel.

However, I totally argue that technologies can bring some demerits for children. The main problem of this phenomenon is that some information posted on some social platforms is fake. For instance, Wikipedia, which is a website has an open source, is always edited by many people easily. As a consequence, children can be easy to approach false information about facts, historical events, or academic materials, which can lead them to wrong cognitive development. Furthermore, technologies also exert a negative influence on children's lifestyles. This is because children can be addicted and dependent if they spend too much time playing video games. As a result, it can cause damage for their eyes as well as lead them to sedentary lifestyle that makes children more overweight and affect to their health.

In conclusion, it seems to me that the disadvantages of using technology to kill time are far overshadowed the advantages due to unrated information and the way children use it which I mentioned in the essay.

There is a problem with the prompt restatement in this presentation. The provided topic is an idea presented in a straightforward manner. There was no reference to a controversy nor a reason for the statement to be controversial. The exaggeration was an unnecessary attempt on the writer's part to over emphasize what should have been a simple discussion rewriting. There is no "controversial" topic being discussed, merely a public opinion. The rewrite also states that


which is not part of the original reference. The writer made 2 topic presentation alterations which no longer aligned the idea presented with the original. There will not be any passing score awarded to this paragraph even as the writer's opinion is correctly presented.

Further problems arose when the discussion veered into the comparative opinion presentation when in reality, the only discussion option for this essay was a single opinion defense. No points will be awarded for the first reasoning paragraph which does not support the given opinion of the writer. Partial scores can and will be awarded for the second paragraph that fully supports the writer's given opinion. It would have been more beneficial to the overall score had the writer used the 2 reasons in the 2nd paragraph as separate supporting evidence for his personal opinion instead. That would have created more cohesive discussion points for the writer's opinion, resulting in a better overall score based on discussion connectivity.