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'How has technology affected relationships' I am preparing to score band 7+ in IELTS



goldmanswalking 3 / 3  
Oct 1, 2012   #1
Followed are the Question I get from Cambridge IELTS 8 and my essay. I would be really appreciate for any suggestions you give me.

It is undeniable that in this day and age modern technology has exerted profound influences on how we interact with each other. There are many ways how it has been shifting how we maintain and build up our relationships.

With the introduction of mobile phones and email, the way how we communicate with others has never been so convenient. Instead of paying expensive postages and waiting for days and even months for delivering a single message, people today could fulfil the same task with only a few movements of their fingers. Their messages could reach every corners of the world within several minutes. Technology also help to make interpersonal communication more private than ever. With almost everybody in the modern society has his own personal computers and mobiles, it is ensured that the messages are delivered to the only person he wants to.

The advantages these developments have brought far outweigh their disadvantages. Admittedly, there are still issues such as online safety, Internet addiction bothering people who are using it, but no revolution could succeed without any sacrifice and the engineer and authorities are taking steps to find out some solid solutions. The convenience and speed of communication the new technology brought has lead to the great increase in the efficiency of people's daily communication. In other words, people nowadays are well communicated than ever before. Besides, the privacy of interpersonal interaction supported by different technologies makes people more willing to open their heart and share their ideas and opinions. The intimacy of the relationships has, thus, been brought up to a new high level.

To conclude, the modern technology has helped the human to shift their way of making relationships in a very good way. With the further improvement in the technology, it is believed that a better society will be built upon.

pgaur 3 / 4  
Oct 1, 2012   #2
In other words , people nowadays are well communicated than ever before. Besides , the privacy of interpersonal interaction supported by different technologies makes people more willing to open their heart and share their ideas and opinions.

try to make sentences appear to be in continuation without using connective words.
OP goldmanswalking 3 / 3  
Oct 1, 2012   #3
try to make sentences appear to be in continuation without using connective words.

Hey pgaur, thanks for you comment. But could you please elaborate on this more by giving me some example?

Thank you very much


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