"The technology connecting people" - The gre issue 1

Topic: As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.";

The Nokia company said that" The technology connecting people". In modern society, people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, Will the ability of human beings to think for themselves surely deteriorate? Some people think the thinking for themselves are actually controlled by the technology, But I don't agree with them.

I agree with the statement that everything has two sides, there is no absolutely good or bad. People use technology to do something will change the world. For example ,the economist use the computer to build an economic chart to forecast the future stock. It is better than early time, the economist forecast the stock only by taking notes by himself. Admittedly, many technological developments during the last century have helped reduce human suffering. We know that the technology change human 's life.

Yet, when people use the technology, they will ask and consider this this technology how it to work, and it will produce the ability of independent thinking. Many scientists will change the technology, they make them more prefect and efficient. I think it will produce the independent thinking when the scientist change the technology. On the other way, the prefect technology will change the human's life.

But , there is a matter that if some students use the technology like just play the computer games allday. The technology will become a bad thing for these students, it will not produce the ability of human ,but it will decrease the ability of these students. It is a big question that how to use the technology in the right place. Using the technology in the right way will produce the ability of human to think.

In sum, it is important to use the technology to do the right thing.It is a big case that how to control the technology and make people life more wonderfully. The ability of people will more and more formidable through using the technology.

Hmm... well, there's a lot of grammatical errors in there, which I'll get into below. However, the structure is good, and it's excellent that you chose a nuanced position and was able to defend both sides. I think you should have combined paragraphs 2 and 3 into a single 'pro' paragraph, as they appear to provide similar evidence. In any case, the paragraphs should not be connected with the word 'yet', since they are alike in tone and argumentation, and you want to use 'yet' to signify a contract, or something different. I also think you should have added a bit more to your 'con' paragraph - some detail or an extra example would have helped to flesh out your essay.

Overall, your essay is quite short, and would have benefited from more examples. For example, you could talk about how engineers rely on computer simulations to help design heat exchangers and fluid conductors, and to analyze stresses in mechanical designs. You could mention how physicists need to model PDE's with large supercomputers in order to test and improve upon theories, and how such instrumentation is absolutely crucial for large particle collision projects such as the ones at CERN. On the other side, you could describe how technology has increased the availability of passive entertainment sources, such as television, video gaming, social networking, etc. and how such changes impact the patience and attention span necessary for complex thinking. You could also talk about issues such as internet or gaming addiction. However, you definitely need more examples.

Okay, now for the grammar. In your first sentence, you quote the slogan "The technology connecting people". However, this quote doesn't fit grammatically in the sentence. In a case like this, you need to shorten the quote and modify it with brackets, as such: The Nokia company said that "technology connect people". A bit after that, you have the sentence, "Some people think the thinking for themselves are actually controlled by the technology". There are a couple of things wrong with this sentence. First of all is subject-verb agreement. You use the plural verb "are" as an action for the singular noun "thinking". Instead, you should use the singular verb "is". Secondly, you use the word "the" too much. In English, you don't need to place "the" in front of a noun unless you are referring to a specific instance of that noun. In this sentence, instead of saying "the thinking" or "the technology", you can simply say "thinking" and "technology". When properly revised, the sentence should read: "Some people think that thinking for themselves is actually controlled by technology". While this sentence is now grammatically correct, it sounds incredibly awkward, and probably doesn't say what you want it to say. For one thing, technology does not "control" thinking. It may "influence", "diminish", or "impact" one's ability to think for oneself. Futhermore, the word "themselves" is misused here. As this sentence stands, it sounds like certain people are criticizing themselves for relying too much on technology, while the implication should be towards other people, or just people in general. The sentence would sound better if it said, "Some people believe that reliance on technology actually diminishes one's capability for independent thought", or, "Some people believe that critical thought is actually hampered by technology". I don't have time to critique the rest of your grammar, but the best way to pick up on grammar rules is to just read a lot and let the language sink in.