This is modernized era where we are at. Many scientific inventions have invented because of human's various need. Without technology, no one can imagine his/her daily life. I can not convince that we can spend our life without technology because of following reasons.
In the first place, technology becomes a first priority of every person. Communicating with friends is being possible because of mobiles, computers etc. People can know breaking news immediately even it happened in Asia or Europe. Internet is only one economic best way for communicating with our beloved.
In the second place, business companies with automated technology are making more profit as compared to company with manual technology. Company do not need more staff to complete the product. As they need less staff, they will make more profit. Similarly, because of technology business companies are launching their same product differently so that they are getting more orders from their customers.
In the third place, no one can foster his/ her business without advertisement. Because of globalized world, business complex are selling their product through e-commerce and m-commerce. Without technology online business are not possible. Today most of the reputed companies are selling their product mainly by internet. They have huge amount of customer in internet. Mostly, urban people have no time for shopping so that they prefer online shopping.
In conclusion, technology is not foster our business only but also make people's daily life easier. So that, we can not imagine our lives without technology in this twenty first century.
I can help to assist you with your essay. I would like to focus on meaning and sentence structure.
First, you begin your essay by stating: "We live in a modern era". When you state that human's have become inventors, you must place "been" after have. The next sentence should be revised. You could use "without technology" at the end of the sentence rather than the beginning of the sentence. There is another contraction you should use rather then cannot. You could use, "I'm not convinced..." Add "the" before following.
The next paragraph delete "being". Remember to put a comma before etc. The next two sentences are confusing in your discussion. If you want to discuss friendships, then discussing how helpful the Internet has become in communicating with family and friends is the best sentence to use in this paragraph.
When you begin new paragraphs, you can state (First, Second, Third). When you discuss that there is less staff needed, you must state that this is the automated technology company that has reduced staff due to advanced technology.
You should revise this sentence: "Because we live in a globalized world, complex businesses..." The next sentence place a comma after online and is should be "are" when you describe only one business. Reputed should be reputable. Add -s to the end of amount and customer. When you describe the internet you should use "on the" rather than in. Delete the word "that".
The last paragraph "is not" is confusing.. I think you mean helps. When you use "only but also" that is very confusing. Use the conjunction word "and" to join your ideas.
- This isIt's modernized era where we are at .
- Many scientific inventions have been invented...
- I'mcan not convince that we can spend our life without technology because of the following reasons.
- People can know breaking news immediately even it happened in Asia or Europe.
- Internet is only one of the most economicalbest way for communicating with our belovedlove ones .
- In the second placenote ( "second place" is use to refer to competition winners and not to your opinion) ,
- business companies with automated technology are making more profit as compared to company with manual technology.
- Company'sdo notdon't need more staff to complete the product.
- ...so that they are getting more orders from their customers.
- In the third placeNext, , no one can foster his/
-Today most of the reputedreputable companies are selling their product mainly bythrough the internet.
- They have huge amount of customer in the internet.
- Mostly, urban people have no time for shopping so that they prefer online shopping.
- In conclusion, technology isdoes not foster our business only but also make people's daily life easier.
- So that,Now we can notit is hard for anyone to imagine our liveslife without technology in this twenty first century.
Madanoli, as you can see, the corrections I made are quiet a lot this is because the essay you made is not written in the manner that one can very well comprehend with the message that you are trying to make. I suggest you follow through and practice writing more.
Hi Madanoli,
These are my suggestions about your essay.
I think you should use some transition words to connect sentences in one paragraph.
In the second paragraph, it is clearer if you give example about the technology's benefit in economy.
In the second place, business companies with automated technology are making more profit as compared to with manual technology. And you can link this sentence with the second one by because or since
As they need less staff, they will make more profit .
I hope it helps.
Thank yo so much Anh
