Technology is very much a part of modern life. Check usage, structure and convention (Cbest writing)

Technology is very much a part of modern life. Many people see technology as a force that has escaped from human control. Others feel that technology has improved the quality of life. Do you think that the contribution technology has made to modern life has been positive or negative? State your position on this issue and support it with appropriate examples.

I believe that contribution the technologies made to modern life have been positive because they connect humans from around the world. Some believe that technologies have escaped humans' control as they damage the environment. On the other hand, technologies have created a better place for humans to live in.

Thus, I believe that the technologies have been positive to modern life. They connect people from around the world using modern communication devices, such as internet, cell phone, and social media. These devices also allow people to talk face to face, although they are at different places. This is very helpful for those that live far away from their families.

For example, I used to feel lonely and homesick because I was away from my families. Although my parents called me once a week by phone, I still felt sad because I was unable to see their faces. But now, the new modern communication devices, such as Skype, Lines and so on have allowed us to see each other through a video call. In other words, these new technologies have brought me closer to my family, even though we are physically away from each other.

In conclusion, technologies are created to improve humans' life. Technologies help humans with their works, and they have been important keys in humans' civilization. That is why I believe that technologies have contributed positively to modern life because they are able to connect humans from around the world.

Note: This is the best i can do in 30 minutes with extra 10 minutes to proofread. I followed the format from the Cbest essay sample. Please give me feedbacks regarding the usage, structure and convention issues. Thank you

Erwin, it is nice to see your revision of this essay. I do realize that you've made some adjustments. However, for me, I think that the introduction paragraph (1st paragraph) is still raw because you didn't write a thesis statement. Unfortunately, you just simply paraphrase the question. Thus, I would come up with an alternative introduction for this essay. I hope I would be of help.

- Hook: Modern life and technology is inseparable.
- Paraphrase Q: While it is believed by some people that technology has exceeded its limit, others think that quality of life has been enhanced by the existence of technology.

- Thesis statement: Thus, I personally would argue that technology has influenced modern life more in the positive ways rather than negative owing to its convenient and easiness.

- Outline of the essay: Therefore, this essay will discuss the positive influence of technology further, which followed by reasoned conclusion.

Modern life and technology is inseparable. While it is believed by some people that technology has exceeded its limit, others think that quality of life has been enhanced by the existence of technology. Thus, I personally would argue that technology has influenced modern life more in the positive ways rather than negative owing to its convenient and easiness. Therefore, this essay will discuss the positive influence of technology further, which followed by reasoned conclusion.