IELTS:All teenagers should engage in voluntary community service; Agree or Not?

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole.

Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, Community outreach program for teenagers become a common choice of many parents for their children. It offers many advantages for these group of people as well as for their society. Thus, sending them for free local community program is a positive option. I, personally agree because it benefits both teenagers and the community as a whole.

Firstly, teenager serving in a community program such as, free planting, clean and green program, health care services for poor and elderly,and setting other community events. These programs prepare them to be independent, learn to deal with daily problems, it enhance their capacity for socialization and further, strengthen their communication skills. Which is very useful for this moldable age group.

Secondly, many projects for the community will not be possible without a helping hands from its people. For example, if the teenager join the health care services for poor people and elderly event for free. It will not just teach them how to care for old people, hence, volunteering for this charity work open their eyes with the problems of others. As a result, it benefits both the society as a whole by creating a strong bonds to one another.

In conclusion, being part of volunteering group make an individuals worth more than any cents he/she will earn from other job, such as the value of friendship and camaraderie within the community as a whole.

Hope you help me to check my work! Thank you guys...

Siderri
Community outreach program for teenagers become a common choice of many parents for their children ....Community outreaches a program for teenagers to become a common choice of many parents for their children .

Well, at the first place of giving u some comments. I would suggest that you should not put down the all same words or a total sentence used in the given topic if u want to achieve higher score.

Here below is my introduction:
The phenomenon of teenagers participating in social jobs has seen an drastic increase these days. In the belief of its benefits for both individuals and community, many people contend that government or particular parties should provide them more unpaid jobs in their leisure time. In this essay, I strongly agree with that assumption as following reasons.

... sounds incomplete. You need to give a reason as to why you think teenagers should do free voluntary community service. This does not sound like a reason :(


.... there you are.... this is the reason. So, this line should come before the other which should be your example,