Teenagers have job while they are still student; bad effects on their education

Some periods of life are more valuable than rest of the life.Especially young ages are the most enjoyful and important life stage for people, so evaluating these ages is crucial point for teenagers.However, some teenagers have jobs while they are student.I think this is a bad idea, because this situation has bad effects on education life, social life and healthy life of teenagers.

First of all, education life is the most important thing of teenagers, because their career and future life is assigned by education which they have received.They have to focus on their lesson to get good future life.As long as they have jobs while they are student, they can not follow the courses regularly,so they don't pass their examinations,therefore they can not get high GPA.This is very important, because GPA has high percentage of student's points which is necessary to go to good university,so it effects the student's university choice.Maybe teenagers rescue the present days as they work, on the other hand they can not rescue their future life if they go to bad university.

Secondly, their social life is affected badly if they work when they're student.They have no time to make social activities such as meeting their friends, go to gym center and so on.Due to the fact that both they work and study, they have no free time, so they don't live enjoyful ages.In future times, they will be regret.For example, If you ask to septeuagenarians who worked in past times when they were student, they say that they are very regretful because of not living their most enjoyful times.

Finally, health life of teenagers are very sensitive, because they improve their mental health and physical health in young ages.They should not be exhausted and ill easily.Teenagers who both study and work at the same time, they have no time to have a rest, so they inclined to be ill.When they are ill, resilince time of them is slowing and they can not continue to their life.The more important thing is to have more serious diseases such as hearth diseases, bloodstreaming at slow speed and so on.Because of the risky life of working, they will have these kind of disease in their future time and will die at young ages.

To sum up, I don't agree with the assertation that teenagers have jobs while they are students, because this has bad effects on their education,social and healty life which I mention in the above.

I think this is a bad idea, because this situation has bad effects on education life, social life and healthy life of teenagers.

In my opinion, working during studying carries more disadvantage. It would have an unfavorable affects on ....

In my opinion, that topic of yours could be either good or not for Toefl, depending on how you will express your thoughts/point of views. But for me, writing such is challenging for all writers. You know, why? It is because you are expressing an inspiring theme that involves determination, aspiration, and perseverance. Psychologically, working and at the same time studying has disadvantages because it is something that may serve as a hindrance towards their schooling. But don't you know that there are students, though they experience dilemmas in terms of time management and monetary aspect, still persevere despite of. They are very spectacular! I knew a lot who became working students and now, they are already PROFESSIONALS!! They were able to graduate by self-supporting. We can't say that students should not work while they are studying 'cause reality wise, a lot all over the world experience monetary scarcity and as a result they have to do that for their future :)

I just suggest that you need to scrupulously express your stand. You may give real-life experiences to support that etc.. :D

Good luck!

Hope it helps :))

Better say what period of life is more important than the other.
Youth is the most important period in anyone's life.


Your topic is not about evaluating ages... you should not go out of topic and strictly stay with the prompt.

First of all, thanks everyone for your helps for me.Dumi, thank you very much for rectfying my mistake, your sentence is '' youth is the most important period in anyone's life'' very coherent for my essay, thank you again :D:D

Niesaysi, firstly I'm so sorry for devastation in your country, I hope you have good condition,but for your answer, I have to say something.When I write TOEFL essay, I have to think quickly as possible as, therefore sometimes I write some wrong things for me but true for toefl essay, you have to improve your essay in very short time. so you can not think all aspect of your answer,only important thing is you don't make many mistakes.Also I am both student and worker and I know the difficulties of this situation. Thus when you evaluate my essay, please take into consideration these which I wrote in the above, maybe you can find mistakes in my essay and you can tell me.This essay does not reflect my real thoughts,but I appreciate for your help:D:D

Hi okaert. This is a good idea to check out our essay to come up with mistakes. But it is better to consider that it is the first time for me to take an exam and I would really need help to get a high score and my time is short D: lets start..


is the most significant----> better than important


There is not enough time for them to ...

evatu



Which idea are you talking about?


Do not use thing in academic writing!





Really long sentences! A lot of commas!
You should divide it into 2 sentences at least.



It is a complicated sentence structure.Avoid it!


Do not separate subject and verb by a comma or another subject!


I do not understand the meaning of this sentence at all.


Did you really suggest to have such diseases???


Do not use because in the beginning of a sentence.


I could be wrong in my grammar correction.

Thank you so much Znack, your advices are very helpful for me:D:D

Thank you. I appreciated your sympathy. I'm in a good condition. My place is far from the area wherein the super typhoon haiyan had pathetically devastated.

Personally, I have a great admiration to all working students! Anyway, just like what I said, it could be good or not for Toefl. But it's all up to you, of course. Your topic is a kind of argumentative essay. You need to defend your stand by presenting evidences or through exemplification.