IELTS; WRITING TASK 1 - TELEPHONE CALLS BY CATEGORY

I am beginning to write an Ielts essay. Need some comments and contributions from all of you. Thanks

The bar chart indicates changes in the amount of minutes of telephone calls which include local phones, national and international phones and mobile phones in the UK during 8 years since 1995 to 2002.

In the first place, the time of local phone calls each year went up from 1995 to 1999, hitting a peak in 1999, about 90 millions, then declined rapidly in the following years. On the other hand, over the same period, the use of national and international phones showed an upward trend as a replacement of local phones, had an average increase by approximately 2.8 millons per year.

Besides, there has been a dramatical increase in the number of using mobile phones, from nearly 4 million in 1995 to more than 45 million in 2002. Mobile phones were considered as new trend of modern people which brought to them many advantages. They were believed to be essential facilities of people on the world.

These changes also illustrate that the habit of using local phones does not remain and people have tendency to use alternative kind of phones, which are moderner and more convenient. As a result, the use of mobiles phones, national phones and international phones rose with a high speed, especially after 1999, the time of mobile phones was threefold until 2002, meanwhile, the total minutes of international and national phones growed by 10 billions. Apparently, mobile phones had the fastest development during 8 years.

Overall, local phones are still the most favourite communication tools of people from 1995 to 2002. However, the amount of these devices are predicted to continuously decrease in the following years and people will witness the expansion of alternative kinds of communication, such as mobiles phones, national phones as well as international phones.

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1)Mobile phones were considered as new trend of modern people which brought to them many advantages. They were believed to be essential facilities of people on the world.

These changes also illustrate that the habit of using local phones does not remain and people have tendency to use alternative kind of phones, which are moderner and more convenient. As a result, the use of mobiles phones, national phones and international phones rose -------we should not write our beliefs or views in task1. we should only provide the given information.

a)Introduction
b)body--1st para-local phones
2nd para-national/international
3rd para-mobile
conclusion

Thanks, do u have any idea about my grammars or vocabularies?

Seems you are good with writing. I suggest you this structure for this task;
Introduction (what you've done is fine)
Overview ( briefly discuss the overall trends without going to details)
Details (here give more statistical feedbacks)

Thanks Dumi
This is my structure in this task
1. Introduction
2. Details
3. Comparison
4. Conclusion

This is report writing. So limit your introduction to introduce the graph title. In this introduction you have some details and in my view it is not necessary for a report. Then start a new paragraph to inform the major trends their to give an overview of its presentation. Details should follow thereafter.

Hope this helps :)