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Television has comprehensive good effects on society.


Hi guys , It for TOEFL

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Television has had a positive effect on society.


People are often divided on some issues involving a effect of television on society. One group believes that television has had a positive effect on society, while others view that television has had a negative effect on society. There are stronger reasons that confirm that television has had a positive effect on society.

Firstly , The advent of the television spawned a new type of a communication and broadcasting system. As far as I concerned that television is one of the main sources of acquiring information. We can learn a lot of things such as cooking prescriptions , new languages , science phenomenons etc, from the television. Therefore, people enjoy funny and entertainment broadcasts ,and it has a beneficial effect on their health. For instance , after hard working, my parents often watch entertainment channels and it helps them relax more easily.

Secondly ,the television is more important to the population living in a rural area of a country. As ways of getting information improve, the exodus of people from a rural city towards a urban city descents. Moreover, the researcher confirmed that even though the radiation which is emitted from television is harmful to children eye sight , children who frequently watch TV are more developed mentally and socially than other children for whom TV is prohibited, and it improves their speaking ability remarkably.

In conclusion, As facts mentioned above, the television has comprehensive good effects. I agree absolutely with that the television has had a positive effect on society.


May 21, 2014   #2
People are often divided on some issues involving a effect of television on society.

This is not a good sentence to open your essay. We generally call it a hook as the opening sentence needs to grab the reader's attention and arouse his interest in your writing. The hook should provide an impressive entrance to your essay. It should be interesting and catchy and essentially relevant to your topic and meaningful one as well.
I think your ideas get stronger and more convincing if you apply this structure;
1) Point : Briefly convey your point
2) Example: Give an effective example
3) Explanation : Explain your example and connect it to the point, so that you can convince the reader by an organized argument
Firstly , The

Firstly, the arrival.. seems better since advent is less representative of a technology.

I concerned

I am concerned

There are some spacing and capital letter issues which you can edit while revising your essay.
May 22, 2014   #5
People are often divided on some issues involving a effect of television on society. One group believes that television has had a positive effect on society, while others view that television has had a negative effect on society. There are stronger reasons that confirm that television has had a positive effect on society.

Your opening is too long with surplus phrases. You repeat positive/negative effect on society so many times don't you think?

And there is a noticeable problem is your article a/an. Try to use it correctly for there are no less than 2 mistakes if i'm not wrong.

children who frequently watch TV are more developed mentally and socially than other children

I think mentally and socially developed would be much better!


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