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Toefl: Television, specially movies, as a first innovative technology, impacts people's life

Nahid87 12 / 17 7  
Jun 15, 2016   #1
Hey, I hope to use your kindly suggestions as always.

How do movies on television influences people's behavior?

Nowadays, in modern society and with exponentially improving technology, communication instruments play important roles in our lives. Television, specially movies, as a first innovative technology, impacts people's life in different ways. Among countless aspects of the way television's movie impacts our life, I would explore three important ones as follows. Television has ability to determine values of the society, to make family gathering for a while, and to get familiar people with other culture.

The main reason how television impacts our lives is that it can determines the values of the society. The movies that are shown on television, can identify that how family members should behave each other, how they should respect and support each other. In the society, also, it plays a foremost role to intensify the values. Some movies are criticized because they are condemned for spreading the violent and bad behavior as normal actions. Additionally, it can show rules in friendship. For example, I saw a movie several years ago that was about betray between friends. After seeing that movie, I decided not to trust completely to anybody.

There is another point that deserves some words here. Nowadays, because of the busy life situation and private instruments, people spend majority of their time with themselves for example playing game, searching in the internet and so on. Seeing movie on the television gives family member a chance to take a time with each other. During watching the same movie, they probably find some common topics to discuss about that. They know about each other's interests and viewpoints and as a result, they have a close relation. I think, families who are friendly with each other commit less in crimes.

Finally, there is another subtitle point about the roles of the movies. Movies get familiar us with other cultures. We can know about their different way of living all around the world, about different religions, art. It impacts our attitude towards life. You can know about the all without traveling and spending money and time. For example, I saw a movie about the Egypt historical places. It was so exciting for me. I deeply learn in a way that I feel, I visit there.

Taking into account all the factors I mentioned before, we reach this conclusion, movies that shown on the television influence our lives. They impact on our personality by dictating the values, on our family relation by gathering them for a while, and our viewpoints by showing other cultures. What can be more effective than this?
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jun 15, 2016   #2
Nahid, undoubtedly that your essay organization is still good. You are able to maintain well-structured sentences. Yet, it seems you were experienced some difficulties in selecting the appropriate word(s)/diction that should be used. My suggestion is that you can improve your lexical resources by reading English articles and try to understand the meaning clearly. It can be in a news or a book form. Some of my friends even memorize the words that they think are crucial and necessary to be used in academic essay. However, concerning my feedback, I hope you can get something to learn by seeing my contributions below.

1st paragraph:
- Nowadays('nowadays' is less formal than 'these days')These days , technology is growing exponentially in modern society and with exponentially improving technology , particularly communication instrumentstechnology . This kind of technology plays an important role in our liveslife.

- Television, especially movies, as a first innovative technology, impacts people's life in different ways. (I'm not sure television is the first, how about radio? perhaps you can omit 'first' to avoid different interpretations or ambiguity)

- I would like to explore three important onesessential reasons as follows. (just to avoid redundancy, you can use essential rather than important)
- ...to make family gatheringgather family membersfor a whilein particular period of time , and to get familiarfamiliarize people with other cultures .

Cheers :)

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