unhealthy lifestyle problems
In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing.What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Nowadays, there is a trend that people are getting heavier than ever before with decreasing health and fitness in some countries. This is not a good sign for our next generation and the society, I think unhealthy lifestyle might be responsible for these problems.
While the pace of life is constantly speeding up, people get accustomed to east fast food or order a take-out from restaurants to keep up with their work and study. And this might be the main reason for average weight increasing, because those junk food are rich in fats and high calories which are not only gain weight but also do harm to individual's health. Apart from that, working overtime and lack of physic exercises make the problem worse. For example, a person who is always busy with work will compress his leisure time of sleep or taking other activities, and these sedentary people are easily get some disease like cervical spondylosis or stoke compared with people who exercise regularly.
To solve these problems, people need to change their unhealthy lifestyles. Firstly, they should get rid of the habit of eating fast food and start to add more fruits and vegetables in their daily diets. This would help them control the amount of salt and fats they use as well as keep a balanced diet. Then for those hard working groups, try to guarantee the sufficient sleep to recharge battery and do more sports activities if possible, thereby they will gradually improve their fitness and build up a strong body to support their jobs in return.
In conclusion, a good lifestyle is crucial to our health. To keep a good figure and prevent form some diseases, we need to cut our every bad habit and eat a balanced and varied diet as well as do more exercises in daily life.
I'm not an expert but would like to suggest you some points.
1-Word "heavier" is not correct . You can use word obese .
2-You don't need to add high with calories as you have already written RICH in fats.
3-Which are not only gain weight -> which do not only gain(increase would be better though) weight.
4-these sedentary people is not correct.
5-instead of "salt" use cholesterol as I don't think that salt has any role in weight gain.
6- How sleep would be helpful to decrease the weight?
Vicki, you opening paraphrase is incorrect as it does not properly represent the discussion topics provided and the discussion instruction. You must always ensure that you prove your English comprehension abilities in the opening statement because that is how your Task Accuracy is scored. A bad TA score will result in a less than stellar performance in the actual exam. The proper paraphrase is:
There is a worldwide trend of increasing weight among people. This trend has resulted in lower health and fitness level among the heavyset population. There are several causes of this problem which will be discussed in this essay. Possible mitigating measures will also be presented within the discussion.
There is a reason that it is called the prompt restatement or paraphrase. This section of the test must prove your ability to be able to explain yourself in the English language, using various words (lexical resource) that have the same meaning. This proves that you are able to understand English instructions and, if asked to explain it to a person, you will be able to do so without changing the meaning of the discussion. The opening paragraph you presented did not properly accomplish that task. You were nowhere near a proper prompt restatement of similar meaning. Here is your mistake:
Original Discussion Instruction: What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Your Response: This is not a good sign for our next generation and the society, I think unhealthy lifestyle might be responsible for these problems.
The reason that you made this mistake is simple. The instructions for the opening paraphrase in the Task 2 essay is clear. You are not allowed to present an actual opinion in this statement, only a restatement of instructions because there is no room for the full development of your presentation of opinion in that paragraph.
In addition this problem, you have also shown a careless manner of writing because you did not bother to proof read, edit, and revise your essay when it came to grammar mistakes. You are using the wrong terms in English which will result in a failing LR score. Here are samples of your mistakes:
1. east fast food - eat...
2.... which are not only gain weight... - what does this even mean?
3. physic exercises - physical
4. compress his leisure time of sleep or taking other activities - What?
5. salt and fats they use - these are consumed, not used.
You were so careless in the development of your statements that all of your scores in the overall scoring considerations will not get a passing score. You need to be careful and build up a proper English vocabulary in order to pass this test.
your sentences are too long, so these become reader unfriendly. try to break into in a short sentences to read. Also, you have to write 5 sentences in a body para.
hope it help you.
Thank you for your corrections and advice, i'll be more careful on these issues.