IELTS test one - why students study and how much support do they get

the reasons for studying and employer support

The bar charts illustrate the percentage of why students study and how much support do they get from employers. The information is divided into age.

Overall, students who studied for career was majority in the younger groups, and the trend was reversed in studying for interest. More students studied as they like in older groups. Also, employers supported the students in middle age the least.

A high of 80% of students' studying reason was for career, compared to just under 20% in students aged over 49. Exactly 10% students studying for interest could be seen in young adult (under 26), while the proportion climbed up to 70% in those were over 49. The percentage of purposes of studying (for career and for interest) were the same in people who were 40-49 years old (approximately 40%).

Under 26 years old students received the most support from employers, while aged 30-39 students received the least (just over 60% and about 35% respectively). The students aged 26-29, 40-49 got 50%, 30% and 45% approximately.

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Well, I'm not quite sure if the words have fulfilled the minimal requirements. However, it would be better if you add more details to the facts. And try not to emphasize the age. Last but not least, where's the hell the conclusion. You need the conclusion man. For god's sake!

@Mr Essay
Hi, thank you for your reply. I did not conclude it because of the IELTS requirement, and I will try to enrich my content:)

I think you should edit the phrase "students who studied for ..." to "the majority of the young studied for the future employment/job/career".

As you have 2 charts, you should open a paragraph by mentioning the title or general information about what you are going to talk about since it is easier to follow.

Cheers.

@vhlinh96
Thank you. Your advices are really helpful!

Kiki, your first statement is insufficient. It must be a proper representation of the information included in the original report, as the assumption is that the reader you are presenting this analysis to will not have access to the original file and hence, require a more detailed explanation of the factual data included in the original illustration / report. Therefore, the first statement should have been as follows:

This report will be analyzing information regarding the interest of students in studying once they are already working along with the amount of support they get from their employers. User bar charts to illustrate the percentage data, the information will analyze the statistics from under the age of 26 to over 49. There were 2 evident trends based on the 2 charts,. The first, is that students most interested in studying are in the age bracket of under 26 and that employers tend to support the effort of their employees to study in a more active manner when they are also under the age of 26. This essay will summarize the given information and use comparisons whenever relevant.

Do not make it a habit to present valuable data from the chart in parenthesis. These are report based information and are not optional parts of the report, which is what a parenthesis presentation indicates. While it is easier to present the report in that manner, it shows a lack of proper report development on your part and will lower your TA score immensely. Also, never present less than 3 sentence in any of the paragraphs as this shows the use of run-on sentences and will result in a lowered GRA score for you.