The graph below shows the number of crimes in three categories in a particular city in England between 1984 and 2009.A breakdown of the people numbers who commit crimes in the three types of criminal act in England from 1984 to 2009 is illustrated in the line chart. Overall, there was a numbers decline of people in all criminal acts. While a Car theft act was the biggest one, House burglary also had a highest number during the period 1989 to 1994.
Initially, Car theft act stood at about 3560 and it was by far the highest number compared with other cases. While over following year, during 15 years, both Car theft and House burglary decreased significantly and hit a low of 3100 and 3200 respectively, only Car theft rose slightly at about 3410 criminals in 2009. In such period, however, Street robbery increased gradually, peaked at over 3000.
House burglary stood at about 3385, and 1984 saw a rapid growth in this case. It reached a high of over 3500 in 1989. This was a biggest number of criminal cases at that year, and this continued over a year. Both This case and Street robbery fell slightly under 3200 and it was also a downward trend in Car theft at the end of the period. All the cases had a decline gap around 160 crimes during 25 year.
Line Graph
Hi Risty, here's my analysis toward your essay.
1st paragraph:
- A breakdown of the people numbersnumber of people who commit crimes in the three types of criminal actS in England from 1984 to 2009 is illustrated in the line chart.
- Overall, there was a numbers decline of people in all criminal acts.were two kind of criminal acts which experienced a decline but one of them witnessed a growth in the end of the period.
- While a Car theft act was the biggest one, House burglary also had a highest number during the period 1989 to 1994.(This should appear in the body paragraph, too detail)
2nd paragraph:
- Initially, the number of car theftact stood at aboutapproximately3,560 and it was by far the highest number compared with other cases.
- While over following year, during 15 years, both Car theft and House burglary decreased significantly and hit a low of 3100 and 3200 respectively, only Car theft rose slightly at about 3410 criminals in 2009.In 1999, car theft hit a low of 3,250 while house burglary plunged to 3,200. Then, in the next five years, car theft saw a sharp growth at roughly 3,400 whereas house burglary experienced a slight jump.
As you can see, some facts that you've described were not really accurate. This is dangerous for your final grade of your essay. However, the thing that I like from your essay is that your paragraphing. You have clearly written all of them in a good structure. Therefore, my suggestion is that try to be more careful in writing and pay attention to grammatical range and accuracy, particularly punctuation marks. Good luck for the next practice Risty :)
I strongly recommend you to write an overview, by starting with "Overall" or "To sum up" .
You can place the overview either after the introduction or in the final paragraph. In the overview you present the main trends.
Hi Risty, on this analysis, what is noticeable is how you associate the words in your sentences, though not a lot of them are in the right places, it is well noted that there is a progress in your writing.
Here are my suggestions to enhance your analysis.
- A breakdown of the people numbersof people - Overall, there was a numbersis a decline
- in the number of people
- Street robbery increased gradually,and peaked at over 3000.
- This was ais the biggest number
- of criminal cases at thatfor this given year,
- Both Thishouse burglary case and
- All the cases had a decline gap around 160 crimes duringfor 25 year.
There you have it Risty, I suggest that you focus on sentence structure as this is where you fell short, this is very critical as this will affect the overall outcome of the essay.
Hello Risty, I am very glad to see you again in EF. Otherwise, I see your essay become better over time. It is cool.
3rd paragraph :
-In sucha period, however, Street robbery increased gradually, peaked at over 3000.
In addition, I am sorry if I only correct one thing. I am still learning about this one. I hope we can correct each other if I have mistakes. Thank you and good luck :)
