Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

'a time when a friend defended you in difficult circumstances' - narrative essay

mrfrank 2 / 3  
Oct 8, 2011   #1
Write about a time when a friend defended you in difficult circumstances
(i have my Cambridge paper's and need ideas on how i can make my essays better)

Haroon and i were best friends long since we met in grade 5.He was the only friend i had when i moved to England with my family.we had studied in the same school and college but our path diverged as we grew up and both followed our own ambitions.At an early age,Haroon was able to become a successful lawyer in west London while i was only able to get a job in east London as a car salesman.though we were far apart,we would never miss an opportunity to meet each other and as my financial capabilities were not as strong as his so he was always there to help me.

His most important attribute was that he trusted me with his life and that's was the main reason that we became friends but no one knew that his trust would later help me.It all started when i was returning from work after a night shift.the neighborhood i had to pass through was a troublesome one known for its robberies and muggings.i had just stopped at a nearby mart to buy some food items when i saw a black man beating up a teenager.As an good Samaritan i went to help the teenager and knocked out the man.thanking me,the teenager ran away.

I called the police and after investigation the black man the police man came to me and said:
"sir,place your hands on the car"
"but what did i do!"i protested
"you have been accompanying an armed robbery and assaulting a civilian'
i was confused and shocked on what was going on and suddenly i realized that i had actually saved the robber!the black man was the owner of the shop and was beating the robber.I tried to explain to the police what the misconception was but no one was ready to listen.I contacted haroon as soon as i could and he came to my rescue.he bailed me out of jail and then i explained to him what had happened and the misconception that had taken place .He believed me and as i couldn't afford a lawyer he insisted me on keeping him.

I had to appear in front of a court and explain my actions.The police had caught the thief who was involved and he blamed me on being the mastermind of the plot even though i had no idea who he was!The video of the fight going outside the mart was shown which made me look as the criminal .Haroon believed me and argued that the tape of inside the mart shall also be seen to prove that i was innocent.Though the judge had made his decision he ordered the tape to be shown and it seemed obvious that i had helped the robber unintentionally.The judge saw this as a case of misconception and apologized for the problems caused.Overjoyed,Haroon and me congratulated each other.

Haroon showed how good a friend he was by supporting and defending me at a time when no one else was there for me.He possesed the qualities of a great friends and seeing such a strong bond of friendship had brought tears in my eyes.This perfectly matches the saying "A friend in need is a friend indeed'

sepulchra21 1 / 3  
Oct 8, 2011   #2
The story is a very interesting one, very unexpected twist. The only thing you are lacking is descriptions about your feelings. I think you should describe how you felt when you saved the teenager, when the police started to arrest you...etc. Add more details to each moment so we know exactly how you felt.

More importantly, you should describe how you felt during the whole court process. Was there a moment when you looked at your friend and really felt grateful? Was there anything he did or say during court that was just above and beyond and really impressed you? I feel like you only showed your appreciation to your friend during the last paragraph. Try to describe how you felt towards your friend from the moment he bailed you out towards the end so the reader really understands how much he means to you.
OP mrfrank 2 / 3  
Oct 9, 2011   #3
thankyou.i found this really helpful :)

Home / Writing Feedback / 'a time when a friend defended you in difficult circumstances' - narrative essay