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IELTS Topic: Win a sport competition is everything ?



xyx0905 16 / 49  
Apr 21, 2012   #1
Sports are very popular in the modern society. Some people believe that winning is the only thing. Others believe that playing sports is not about win or lose but how people play the game. What's your opinion?

In recent years, the discussion about the purpose of playing the sport activities has become a controversy. While some appear to think that winning the championship is the top issue in the sport competition, others argue the way how players to participate is more valuable than becoming the winner.

Admittedly, in a competition, aiming for the gold medal is a necessity. One is that it enhances their survival abilities when they are encountering a series of life challenges in the future. There is no denying that sports challengers have to bear harsh conditions and pressure in those sports presentation in order to become a distinctive talent. Secondly, the competition experience develops ones' independence. Under the contest setting, contestants are often individually sitting in the battlefield where they are unable to retrieve any assistance and supports. In this case, participants have to attempt their own strategies to reach first place as better as they can.

However, in a sports contest, winning a top place is not everything which the players are aiming for. For the contestants, obtaining a sense of cooperation attitude is one of key elements in a team sport. Football games, for example, require a solid team spirits to achieve the success instead of solely rely on one member's contribution. Besides, in a soccer practice, it is essential that all the group members share their techniques and learn from others in order to establish the unique tacit understanding in the real competition. Moreover, demonstrating a sound psychological quality is another valuable factor in many sport events. In other words, even though the player realise they have little chance to reach the first position in this match, these individuals still maintain their best performance until the end of the competition.

In conclusion, it is understandable that all players tend to pursue the championship in any sports. However, more importantly, they need to learn and demonstrate the collaboration skills and outstanding competition spirits in the match they are playing for.

ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 661  
Apr 21, 2012   #2
Hi, in general the essay looks fine,. Here some suggestions:
"the discussion about the purpose of playing the (delete this) sports activities has become a controversy "" Controversy is noun, but in this sentence u need an adj. "..has become a controversial topic".

"..the (delete this) a championship"
".. the (delete) winners .
"..they are encountering a series of life challenges in the future." : The tense of this sentence is future, so you cannot use present continuous. In addition you are talking about the events that may happen and you are assuming, so it would be better to use "...would encounter ..." or "may encounter..."

"There is no denying that sports challengers have to bear harsh conditions and pressure in those sports presentation in order to become a distinctive talent" : I could not find a relation between this sentence and the previous one, I think it is ruined the coherency of the essay. It would be better separate this sentence with "secondly" and for the next sentence use "finally".

The last part of the topic asks bout your opinion. You did not expand your own idea, you should write a paragraph for your opinion and, through this paragraph a comparison between previous ideas , that were stated, should be provided.

Regards
A.Zafari


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