IELTS - Tourism: good or bad? - it's a modern form of colonialism

Topic: Tourism is a modern form of colonialism. It distorts local economies, causes environmental damage and ruins the places it exploits.
To what extent would you support or reject this idea?

Could you guys review my essay? Thanks a lot :)

Tourism, since its first appearance a long time ago, can be described as a controversial celebrity. Some believe that tourism is attributed to domestic economic distortion, environmental devastation and irrepairable damage to the exploited places. However, I strongly disagree with this misconcept for the two following reasons.

First of all, tourism plays an indispensable role in nurturing the economy in a way it is meant to be. Basically, places of interest often locate in the wilderness areas, of which economy, before their appearance, haven't blossmed yet. Not until the investment of some companies do chains of hotels and services spring up. It will, by all means, attract considerable attention which goes hand in hand with the enormous income for the local residents. In other word, tourism helps divert the local economy to its right direction, which exploit the best out of its own potential.

Secondly, even though environmental damage is inevitable, it is not tourism to be blamed for. In order to turn a wilderness into a place of attraction, the planners must have taken the nourishment of the sceneries into thorough consideration. To be precise, for instance, a fortune is spent on trimming the trees, watering the flowers, preserving and balancing the local fauna and flora, in the hope of beautifying the wild. Not to mention ecotourism, a new kind of environment-friendly service, which gives all environmentalists and nature lovers a hand in raising the awareness of people in protecting their coexistent creatures. Because of that, tourism should not be alledged to be notorous for its detriment to the ecological diversity.

All thing considered, tourism has proven its friendly attitude towards the exploited areas in terms of finance and environmental impact. In my opinion, the combination of tourism and teaching process is highly recommended in pursuit of a harmonial relationship between human and their surroundings.

I strongly disagree with this mis concept for the reasons mentioned below .

Thank you! Next time better :)

- Misconception or concept

- such areas when converted to tourist places can give a boost to the economy of that place.


- Many companies such as chains of hotels and restaurants invest in tourist places


- This attracts considerable attention of tourists which further goes hand in hand with


Therefore it is clear that tourism helps in the growth of economy which is beneficial for the local residents as well as the governments


It is felt that tourism should not be held responsible to be detrimental for the environment
.


- In conclusion you should only summarise what you have already written in the body paragraphs. Teaching process does not make it clear what you want to state in conclusion

Hi
I have made some changes in a way I choose to write. I tend to use simple words and easily understandable language. I hope this helps

Thanks

Thank you Candy07! Really appreciate your time on my essay :D
Yeah I agree that I tend to use so many complicated structure. I will try with my next essay. Will you review it for me?

Impressive intro :)


.... What do you mean by "in a way it is meant to be"?
I feel it reads better without that part;
First of all, tourism plays an indispensable role in nurturing the economy


... you have the tendency for constructing too complicated sentences for very simple ideas. That gives more work for the reader to understand the content which he would not like for sure , so does your examiner :D

You write well, but give more priority for clarity of your ideas :)

I see! Thank you very much Dumi :) I am trying to fix that. It just... if I write too simple sentence, i might feel somehow insecured (?!) I mean I am afraid it will not be academic or the essay is too simple somehow... What do you think?

Hi Salmon
I feel if sentences are grammatically correct and the word choice is appropriate, the essay is more academic rather than choosing complicated words and sentences which requires an extra effort from examiner. If the examiner has to read a sentence second time, this shows the meaning is not comprehended in the first reading. Complex sentences should be written but not complicated sentences.

Thanks

I feel the middle part of this sentence is a bit overly done :( ...."nourishment of the sceneries"? ... I agree with dumi on this;


Also, in this second para, you talk about the other side of the argument. However, your prompt asks you to -


and in the introduction you say -


... So, why do you talk about the opposite side of your view? In the body paras, you need to keep defending your view by giving reasons as to why you hold that view and supporting those reasons with examples.

Thanks for your comment Pahan :) But what can I do to think and brainstorm such sentence simplier? And I'm confused by this comment cuz I followed my prompt quite well, I think? There is no misdirection in this paragraph? I disagree from top to bottom?

... I feel that is a misconception held by many students. For me, what is more important in writing is clarity of our ideas and an interesting and logical flow of them. To make it look more academic you can use the most appropriate vocabulary for the ideas. Simplicity in writing is not going to penalize you with your score, but may compliment you with more marks for expressing your ideas in a very cohesive and comprehensive manner.

Thanks! Now I got it !