Tourism: Type of company would you most like to see built in your hometown or city

What type of company would you most like to see built in your hometown or city. Give reasons to support your response.

My hometown is a small village in the Belitung island. This village is far from every where and lack of entertainment. Even though my place is small, this place is very beautiful place to visit. We can find a long crystal water beach, the beautiful scenery, interesting cuisines and good people. And I would like to see a tourism company that would built good hotels in front of the beach.

Tourism is need in my island. Because, fishing is the man-main job in here and selling the staple food such as rice, vegetables, sugar, oil and so on is for women. My people need to change. And I think, tourism would be the best choice to built this place. So many natural source available in here. At least we have 20 kilometers along for white sand beach, great wave for surfing, fishing and diving spots, various traditional sea food and many other un-explore tourism object. So, investors can start the tourism sector from here. And I think it would be relevant.

Then, they may built their best hotels along the beach. Cause, other infrastructures such as an air port and road are available and quite good. That hotels will attract people to come and give multiplier effect to the community. The people will get a job, the economy structure will change. And my hometown would be better than before.

To see a beautiful island with a better tourism facility such a nice hotel would make me proud. People would be happy, they can taste the atmosphere and receive the technology which the sector brings to them. My small island will be a "huge nice place to see and to visit" because of the beauty and the hotels.

I have striked out errors to be removed and bolded corrections in red.

My hometown is a small village in the Belitung island. This village is far from everywhere("everywhere" is one word) and there is a lack of entertainment. Even though my placevillage is small, this place is a very beautiful place to visit. We can findhave a long crystal water beach, the beautiful scenery, interesting cuisines and good people. And I would like to see a tourism company that would builtbuild good hotels in front of the beach.

Tourism is needed in my island. Because, fishing is the man-main job in here and selling the staple food such as rice, vegetables, sugar, oil and so on is for women (this sentence is confusing, try to reword it ... "the main jobs for males are ..." / "the main jobs for females are ..." and then explain why that is relevant). My people need to change, and I think tourism would be the best choiceway to built (I think you might mean "build" or "rebuild") this place. There are so many natural sourceresources available in here. We have at least we have 20 kilometers along for white sand beach, great waves for surfing, fishing and diving spots, various traditional sea food, and many other un-exploreunexplored tourism objects . So, investors can start the tourism sector from here. And I think it would be relevant. (my own suggestion to replace the last sentence of this paragraph: "Therefore, I believe that investors can start a thriving and successful tourist sector here.")

Then, they may builtbuild their best hotels along the beach. Cause otherExisting infrastructures such as an airport("airport" is one word) and roads are available and quite good. ThatThe hotels will attract people to come and give multiplier (?) effect to the community. The people will get a job, the economy structure will change. And my hometown would be better than before. (my own suggestion to replace the last sentence of this paragraph: "People will have access to more jobs, the economy will improve, and my hometown will be better than it was before.")

To see a beautiful island with a better tourism facilitytourist sector and such a nice hotel would make me proud. People would be happy, they can taste the atmosphere and receive the technology which the sector brings to them. My small island will be a "huge nice place to see and to visit" because of theits beauty and the hotels.

Try to work on your English grammar to make your sentences flow better. It is a good start though, but definitely do some revising to make sure you are using the right words.

Hopefully this helps. Good luck!

thank you,

Wow, Joseph, I think it must help a lot. You did a great job, and I appreciate all the time you spent here.

Aja, if you want to type the essay again to practice the correct grammar, I'll look at the next draft and see if you still have any errors.

If you want to use BECAUSE at the beginning of a sentence, it has to be like this:
Because fishing is the man-main job here, tourism is needed.----The main verb of the sentence comes at the end.

...vegetables, sugar, oil and so on is for women.----What do you mean it is for women? The women sell the foods? I think both men and women do all the same jobs nowadays.

:-)