Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - WHAT TOURIST CAN DO


ghazali 4 / 6 2  
Jul 28, 2017   #1
Some people say that tourism has many negative effects on the countries that people travel to. What tourists can do to reduce the harmful effects of tourism on local cultures and environments?

............................................................................................................................................................
Please give me advices and score
............................................................................................................................................................

harmful effects of tourism



In this era, tourism is favorite activity in lifestyle of majority people and choice of destination is borderlees. All people know that all things about tourism are beneficial, especially for developing rate the country's economic, but sometimes people think tourism has detrimental effect on the country -- as the destination. In the following essay I will explain the issues are caused and solutions tourists can do to reduce the effects, on cultures and environments primarily.

The more crowded the destination of tourism, the more possible the environment become mess. Pollution, garbage, and vandalism are the example of cause of distructed environment. Without good management, beauty of destination is no longer can attract the tourist anymore. Beach in Bali, Indonesia as example, which the popular one as first choice of beautiful beach in the world. Tourist prefers to enjoy the landscape of sea from the beach or go surfing. Just if the amount of garbage uncleaned and uncontrolled because the tourist and local employee are ignorant, the beautiful beach will lost its beauty. Secondly, it is lifestyle changing in food and clothes as parts of culture. Tourist's lifestyle can influence local lifestyle. Taking Bali as an example again, as a part of Indonesia which has eastern tradition and norm. Balinese --especially who live nearby beach or have a job in tourism-- can easily know the kind of tourist's food and beverage, such as wine, even it be normal in Balinese's eye and they are influenced to enjoy it, whereas eastern norm says it is bad.

In order to overcome these problems, the tourists can bring their own trash bag or anything which can put trash. It can effectively dimilish amount of trash, because each tourist is aware do not leaving waste except put into trash bag. At least, the tourists want to keep the destination clean. Although they are in beach, they do not litter their surrounding --sea and beach. Second solution is before the trip begin, they should search information about the destination, how the culture and characterics of the local. They should know what the differences of culture between their home and the destination. Respecting all things of diversity, as guest, they can enjoy the beauty of destination.

In conclusion, there are two harmful effects on the countries of tourism destination which are did by tourist, that are littering and changing on food and clothes. To meet the need, they have to bring trash bag and search information about the country's culture.

R_Sand03 2 / 2  
Jul 28, 2017   #2
@ghazali, You have a grammar mistake on developing rate the country's economic, that should the countries economic rate, the which is the popular one ... and u have to adreess more solution on conclusion
Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Jul 28, 2017   #3
Muhammad, your control over the development of English sentences can be considered quite horrible at this point. It is important for you to learn how to write English sentences properly. That is because you are taking an English language test which requires you to be able to express yourself intelligently in English. At this point, the essay you wrote causes undue stress on the reader due to the problems with grammar structure that exists from the beginning to the end of the essay. I think the problem is because you are translating what you are writing from your vernacular tongue. That is why your language structure is so problematic.

I am advising you to try writing in basic English sentences, not necessarily the IELTS essay questions yet, just basic sentences that can be translated from your native language to English in Google Translate if possible. This will show you how to properly translate your thoughts to English because in your vernacular, your language is correct, so it should transfer in a more proper manner to English using that program. Take note of how it was translated by the program and remember how the sentences were structured. That should help you to better translate your thoughts to English.

I will not score this essay at this point because the score is not passing and it will just dishearten you. So no score for now. However, I will score your next essay so I hope to see improvement in your writing skills by then. By the way, be careful of your spelling. It isn't "distructed environment. The term is "Destructed environment". You will be scored on your spelling and lexical resource so you need to be sure you at least spell the word properly for proper scoring consideration.
tran14 12 / 26 7  
Aug 3, 2017   #4
This essay is lack of advanced vocabulary and structures, there are some words that you repeated many times. You also need to correct a huge number of your grammar mistakes.

More importantly, you need to understand the task better. It tells you to explain the solutions, not to describe the problem, which means you went off the topic in the first body paragraph. You should mention the first solution and describe it in details in the first one and do the same in the second.

However, your source of ideas is impressive. All you need to do is practicing arranging your opinions. Good luck, mate! (^_<)〜☆


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - WHAT TOURIST CAN DO