IELTS Task 1 : Tourist's arrival in Nepal in March 2008

hallo,, this is my essay. i need your help to improve my writing...

The pie chart and table below given information on tourist arrivals in Nepal in March 2008

The pie chart illustrates the percentage of tourists coming from other countries to Nepal in March 2008, while the table gives information regarding an increase in its numbers from March 2007. Overall, it can be seen that Europeans and Asians were the most popular tourists visiting Nepal over a year.

First of all, there was a considerable number of tourist's arrival in Nepal consisting of Asia and Europe at 38 % and 37% respectively in 2008. In contrast, the people from Australia only saw at four per cent, the smallest percentage of tourists over a year. Then, for North and South America and other regions, they remained in rate less than a quarter of tourists traveling to Nepal.

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Hi Mr. Alif, I have some suggestions for your writing. Good luck !

The pie chart illustrates the percentage of tourists coming from other countries to Nepal in March 2008, while the table gives information regarding an increase in its numbers fromin March 2007. Overall, it can be seen that Europeans and Asians were the most popular tourists visiting Nepal over a year.the biggest number of visitors who travel to Nepal come from Europe and Asia.

First of all, there was a considerable number of tourist's arrival in Nepal consisting of Asia and EuropeAsian and European tourists at 38 % and 37% respectively in 2008. In contrast, the people from Australia only saw at four per cent, the smallest percentage of tourists over a year. Then, for North and South America and other regions, they remained in rate less than a quarter of tourists traveling to Nepal.

Visitor's arrival from other countries increased significantly in 2007, reachingit reached a peak at 16 per cent from the similar month, with the total number of 5,910. However, compared to all continents, Asia was the lowest quantity in the number of visitors representing to 188. Totally, Asian and European coming to Nepal was far bigger at 3,509 among thethan others.

Thus, all people in the world have a great willingnessenthusiasm/ intention to come to Nepal between 2007 and 2008. Although international people climbed rapidly in terms of coming to Nepalthe number of international people who visit Nepal grew rapidly , European remained the biggest of total.