Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Is traditional skills and ways of life worthy to be kept alive?


as920024 1 / 1  
Jul 19, 2018   #1
Hi, can anyone help me to check if my writing has any problem?

traditional skills and ways of life dying out



When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree pr disagree with this opinion?

Nowadays, the development it technology throughout the world has raised in an overwhelming speed while it also endangers traditional lifestyle. For my own perspective, it is true that we need to spare great efforts to preserve them, however, we gain enormous benefits from them.

The advanced technology brings us to a higher level of lifestyle. It is inevitable that we have to eliminate old methods for living and embrace a more convenient way. For instance, we can send messages with a few clicks to our phones instead of writing letters and we do not have to meet friends in person anymore while it is more common to chat with friends online with Skype or Facetime. Consequently, some people may consider it insignificant to save the conventional skills for living.

On the other hand, I believe that it is beneficial for us to preserve the ways we used to live in. It is said that human civilization is an accumulation of all sorts of lifestyles. Traditional skills, in other words, are the foundation of every nation. People learn from the past and improve our quality for living. That is to say, we keep traditions alive not only because of reminding us of our roots but also keeping us moving forwards to a better future. We can also use those skills to survive if all technology is out of control.

In conclusion, no matter what convenience the technology brings to us, it is our duty to keep traditional lifestyle away from extinction.

Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Jul 20, 2018   #2
Wei-Yuan, the first problem with your essay is the biggest problem that it has. The fact is, you did not discuss the essay in the manner indicated by the prompt. This is an extent or emotional essay that requires a degree of measurement in the response thesis statement. That is the sentence located at the end of the paraphrase in the first paragraph. The problem lies in this confusion:

Discussion Question: To what extent do you agree pr disagree with this opinion?
Your Response: For my own perspective, it is true that we need to spare great efforts to preserve them, however, we gain enormous benefits from them.

The question asks you to agree or disagree with the given statement. Nowhere in the presentation does it ask you to explain what benefits are gained from the preservation of the traditional ways. This creates a prompt deviation on your part that will fetch an automatic TA score of 1. The reason? Your answer does not respond to the task. The correct approach to an extent essay response uses any of the following (or similar) terms: partially, totally, wholeheartedly, completely, half, and other similar terms with the term agree or disagree immediately following it.

Now, since you did not appropriately respond to the given instructions, it will be extremely difficult for you to be scored accurately in terms of the relevance of your discussion to the prompt because, there simply isn't any connection between the prompt you were provided and the discussion that you presented. In order for you to receive an appropriate score for the rest of the criteria, you first have to properly respond to the task you are provided with. The only way you can do that, is if you can prove that you understand the English discussion that you were given using an appropriate prompt paraphrase and a correct response to the discussion question. For example:

As technological advancements begin to overwhelm society, the old ways of life and conventional proficiencies start to lose its relevance. That is why some people believe that there is no reason to continue to promote these aspects of the traditional way of life. I partially agree with this opinion.

There are some reasons that make it beneficial to use the new way of life...

However, there are some benefits to be gained by continuing to promote the use of conventional systems such as ...

In the end...


Had you presented this discussion in a similar manner to the one above, you would have gotten a more appropriate and perhaps passing score for the essay presentation. You must increase your English comprehension skills before you take the test.
OP as920024 1 / 1  
Jul 20, 2018   #3
Thanks to your suggestion. I will progress your advice and do it again.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Is traditional skills and ways of life worthy to be kept alive?