IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - TRANSPORT REGULATIONS - road system

Many people think that the government should spent money on developing and improving road system. Others think that car drivers should pay the cost for it. Discuss both views and give your opinions

............................................................................................................................................................
Please give me advices and score
............................................................................................................................................................

crowded cars on the roads

In this era, public facilities of transportation become important thing people need to support their activities, especially in urban area. All people either machine based trasportation driver or cycler have a right for enjoying the facilities, one of which is road. Reality these days, trend of car is increasing in all regions. This is reason why some people argue that car drivers should pay the cost of developing and improving road system. Yet, others believe that the cost is a part of regulations the government concern. In the following essay I will explain arguments from both sides and my own opinion.

In some metropolitan cities such as Jakarta and Beijing, have huge number of people. Except toll road used by car drivers only, some roads are always crowded --even in weekend-- by many kinds of vehicle. Compared to other vehicle, car waste more space of road. It makes sense, normally car has 8 spaces of seat, although at the moment it is used by just one person. With the increased trend, it can says that car drivers are king of road.

In the other hand, all roads can enjoyed by all people and all drivers of vehicle. As a user, people have to pay tax used for maintaining road system. All tax managed by the government is a source of annual budgeting of country. Road is public facilities getting attention of budgeting of country and tax is a responsiblity for all people as citizen, regardless majority road usage is by car drivers and there are many persons do not use the road. Indirectly, developing and improving road system is the government's task as a regulator.

All in all, in these days trend of car is inclining and trigger traffic crowded in roads. But I say that road is a public facilities of country and the budget of maintaining road come from tax paid by people as a responsility for each citizen. And as regulator, the government have to manage tax and create programme, such as maintaining road system.

@ghazali

In sSome metropolitan cities (...) Beijing, have a huge number of people population.

InOn the other hand, all roads canshould be (...) and all drivers of vehicle.

Your structure is clear but there are some grammar mistakes that makes the essay difficult to understand. I suggest using some grammar checking and proofreading websites first, for example 1checker or grammarly

Muhammad, your score will not be very good for this essay. I do not think that it can score higher than a 4 for a number of reasons. I'll explain my reasons in full detail below.

First, you do not clearly express yourself in the essay. Your desire to use as many English words as possible, without consideration for what you truly want to say in the essay has caused your paragraphs to become very confusing. The confusion your paragraphs create causes stress on the reader who cannot really decipher what you have to say. Do not aim to write complex sentences when you know that you are still unable to do so. Keeping your sentences simple and clear will score better than creating difficult to understand paragraphs.

Second, take for example your second paragraph, you said a lot of things, but you did not justify the line of reasoning that the car owners should be made to pay for the cost of maintaining and creation of new roads. Your lack of justification and information proceeds into the 3rd paragraph as well.

Finally, you also neglected to create a proper concluding paragraph for the essay. Your personal opinion is never acceptable as a concluding statement simply because a concluding statement does not contain new information. It is merely a summation of the discussion you created based upon the topic and instructions you were originally provided.

It is not so good, I think your introduction is much longer than necessary.