Essay about Travel to foreign countries when you are young or when you are older

Original TOEFL Essay Question:
Which do you prefer? Travel to foreign countries when you are young or when you are older. Give specific reasons or examples to support your decision.

best age for traveling abroad

With the improvement of living standards, traveling abroad as a way of leisure and entertainment prevails among people. However, an interesting discussion has arisen concerning the time of foreign travel: is it more preferable to travel to foreign countries when you are young than when you are older? In my opinion, traveling abroad at a young age is preferable for me. My viewpoint can be well illustrated by the following reasons and examples.

As for twentysomethings, young people crave more insight than the older people. Traveling abroad is a precious passage to get familiar with the the development of economy and technology in other country, which is a good opportunity to broaden the mind. Especially, it is the young in their 20s that are in desperate need of new perspectives. For instance, my sister, a very excellent woman, had once worked for investment bank with a decent salary. But a trip to United States served as a turning point in her life. After meeting a whole variety of different people during trip, she started to reexamine her life and the career she really want to devote to for the rest of her life. Finally, she made a brave decision when she came back. She hopped from the previous job to a philanthropic foundation where she was very happy to throw herself into the deeds of charity. Afterwards, she often told that if it weren't for the chance to open my eyes at a young age, I would have been doing the job that others yearn for while I don't enjoy. Therefore, I strongly believe that young people shall break out of your shell and talking to various great minds as a result of obtaining more insights.

For another thing, a super-healthy body can ensure that you enjoy the traveling time to the fullest.Interesting as it is, traveling abroad will consume much physical strength and energy. Provided with enough strength, young people could have a great time while it is not convenient for the older people to travel abroad. Like last year, my sister took my grandma to Switzerland for colorful sports activities. While my sister was skiing or bungee jumping, my grandma could only go sightseeing and take photos. Tired as she felt, she had to take a rest at hotel. This is possibly why I prefer to travel abroad when I'm young. When getting older, the health condition may not allow to participate in such strenuous activities. Thus, in order to fully enjoy those extreme sports, it is recommended that young people to travel abroad at a young age.

There is a prevailing belief that it is better to travel abroad as people become older because they have a plenty of leisure time. Meanwhile, young people shall take more time to study and fight for their career rather than to travel abroad. Nevertheless, as long as the balance between trip and work could be achieved, traveling abroad will help enlarge our scope, relax ourselves and work more efficiently. So traveling abroad at a young age is my preference.

In a nutshell, I advocate traveling abroad when we are young. It is not only because we can open our mind by communicating with people from all walks of life but also because we can make good use of those traveling facilities when under a strong physical condition. So let's hurry to travel to the foreign countries when we are young!

Thank you for your reading and suggestions in advance.

Tong, somehow I feel like this is the draft response that you wrote for the prompt. Your responses are correct, the problem, is that the paragraphs are not arranged properly so that is make more sense when the reader begins to assess your written work. Your response is right on the mark. All you have to do is take the time to review your response prior to submission. There are times when you need to just rearrange the paragraphs in order for it to become stronger in presentation. For example, in this essay, you placed the strong establishing paragraph at the end instead of near the top. Look at the essay if it is rearranged in the following manner:

There is a prevailing belief that it is better to travel abroad ...

Traveling abroad is a precious passage ...

Interesting as it is, traveling abroad will ...

I advocate traveling abroad when we are young ...

Then write the summary concluding paragraph as required by the essay format. You don't really require all the segue phrases at the start of your paragraphs. You are writing a time limited essay so you need to go directly to the point as soon as you can. I realize that you were using those as subject sentences but it doesn't work that way in an academic essay of this sort. Sometimes, using those sentences create a diversion in your response, which ends up weakening your statement, which can have an adverse effect on your final score.

I don't want to score this essay because you need to be given a chance to fix the presentation. Don't worry though, I saw the fact that you have the ability to write a well developed response essay and that talent will help you pass the test. Provided you get to format the paragraphs in a more proper and responsive manner.

@Holt
Thanks for taking time to give me so much insightful suggestions. I do agree with you that I shall rearrange my paragraphs with obvious and strong arguments. And actually score doesn't matter a lot for me because I think the writing skill is a life-long subject to learn that cannot only defined with a quantified number and more importantly it is served as a thinking weapon for us to live with. I put my simplified version that only keeps the modified part of the previous one here as below in case you have any further comments.

Before that, I want to explain that why I use segue phrases or subject sentences at the start of my paragraphs. I, along with my peers, am told that the exam markers only have limited time to read an article in a TOEFL test. So, if an article can equip with some signal words or topic sentences, it may be helpful for markers to find your logic and core ideas. But The new opinion you gave me that those sentences may create a diversion in my response is very helpful and I will share with my peers. Thanks again!

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BEST AGE FOR TRAVELING ABROAD

With the improvement of living standards... Meanwhile, there is a prevailing belief that it is better to travel abroad when you are young. I definitely agree with the belief as traveling abroad at a young age can enable us with a chance to have more insights and a super-healthy body to enjoy the trip.

Traveling abroad is a precious passage to get familiar with the the development of economy and technology in other country, which is a good opportunity to broaden the mind...

Interesting as it is, traveling abroad will consume much physical strength. Provided with abundant energy, young people could enjoy a great time. But for older people, a lack of physical strength prevents them from trying new activities that require a strong body. Like last year...Easily tired as she got, she had to take a lot of time to rest at hotel. This is possibly why she ended in disappointment. When getting older...

It seems that old age means plenty of leisure time to travel abroad and of course old people deserve to have a long rest after a lifetime of exertion. Conversely, young people are persuaded to focus on study and fight for their career rather than to travel abroad at the cost of work progress. Nevertheless, I insist that as long as the balance between trip and work could be achieved, traveling abroad will indeed help enlarge our scope and relax ourselves that accompanied by the improvement of work efficiency.

Thus, I advocate traveling abroad when we are young. It is not only because...More importantly, each dot whatever you experience or whoever you talk with will finally be connected to define who you are in your history and make sense for the world of humanity in a micro perspective.