Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

Toefl Essay :: Travel within group is always safe and brings more recreations to everyone

hamedmas 27 / 58 19  
Aug 11, 2014   #1
Hi, Thank you for you attention to my essay before. Please help me to find my mistakes.
Travel is always an attractive recreation for many people. Some people like to travel by groups and others like to travel alone. As far as I am concerned, communal traveling brings many benefits such as saving money, cooperation etc.

The most and important reason that people tent to travel with groups is saving expenditures. They can rent a bus or mini bus instead of using their personal cars. As a result, they do not need to pay a huge amount of money to buy fuel for their automobiles. They can use share rooms in the travel, thus the cast of renting became less. By traveling with groups or friends, they would be able to decrease their costs.

People are always enthusiastic about travel by their friends or groups, because they would be fun. They have a plenty of free time in travel. Then, they can play with other group's members and enjoy the journey. They can play many communal games such as soccer, volleyball etc.

Some of places are incredibly beautiful, but they are dangerous and perilous for those who want o travel there. Experiencing these kinds places without helping others, may lead to death of traveler. Experiencing high mountains to find scenic spots, people have to participate in group's activities and need to take on some group's duties and as a result, they need to be more cooperative to could conquer a peak of mountain. For an instance, if we want to travel to Amazon forests. Without helping those people who know the right route, we may wander in forests.

In conclusion, traveling with groups has many advantages. It is always safe and it brings more recreations to everyone. It also leads to decrease the cost of journey.
saakshi 2 / 3  
Aug 11, 2014   #2
try including examples from personal experience
Mariuxi 1 / 2 1  
Aug 11, 2014   #3
Hi! I think your essay is a little short, and besides you didn't left the spaces needed between each paragraph.
OP hamedmas 27 / 58 19  
Aug 12, 2014   #4

tnx but I need to know my mistakes.
please read my essay and give me about my mistakes .
ngoctrang123 1 / 2 1  
Aug 13, 2014   #5
Yur essay is very clear and it easy to understand. Yu give many ideas to support for a topic. But try to use more pharses to make it look like accademic essay.

Home / Writing Feedback / Toefl Essay :: Travel within group is always safe and brings more recreations to everyone
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳