Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

On Travelling to DaLat Trip


Tientranvn2001 1 / -  
Apr 9, 2021   #1

my summer holiday



-Oh! Last week I had a summer holiday

-I called my friend and talked about it to him
-+ my friend advised me to go to anywhere to relax
-+ I decided to go Dalat, this trip was for 1 day, I like to Dalat because it was very cool and scenery was beautiful, Dalat had much location to visit

-+ before this trip : I prepared everything about: some money, cellphone, some clothes, camera
-I invited my friend to go with me, I thought to go 2 people happier than alone
-We went Dalat by bus, both of us were very excited
-On the way to Dalat, we talked many things about: job, life, love, studying and other
-On that way to Dalat, we saw many pine trees and the whole car was covered by fog. The higher it gets, the colder it is. We thought of losing the wonderland.

-Two hours later, we came to Dalat; we carried our suitcase to the hotel for 1 hours
-After that we visited to the City's Flower Garden, we saw many flowers and we took a photo that
-After that we were hungry and we found the restaurant, we had lunch together
-We ate bread, meat and vegetable and drunk cola
-After that we took a rest for 30 minutes
-Afternoon was coming, we visited Dalat's university and Xuan Huong's Lake for 2 hours
-After that we should to go home because we were tired
-We stayed the hotel and took a shower
-After that we had a dinner for 30 minutes
-For 7 pm we visit to bolero club and listened many songs after that we hiked belong street
-We had a joyous night
-At 10 pm we went to the hotel and sleep
-Next morning, we prepared to go home; we said goodbye to Dalat and went to home
-I had a memorable vacation
please help me to fix it

Please refer to our private services at essayforum.com@gmail.com due to specific instructions, thank you! EF
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,692 3498  
Apr 19, 2021   #2
I would have to say that the format for the presentation is improper. You are using a poetry based format for a presentation that should be essay type. Due to the format situation, your presentation now has punctuation problems as poems are required to have specific punctuation marks that help to clarify the voice of the writer in the presentation. The writing is elementary enough in English usage. You wrote clearly and your narrative is easily understood. However, the presentation of this essay would have been better had it used the essay rather than poetry format. Perhaps you typed this up on your cellphone? That is why the format is different from if you had used a laptop or tablet to type it up?


Home / Writing Feedback / On Travelling to DaLat Trip