salary is a top priority for people
When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is true that most people are likely to choose high-paying jobs. Personally, I disagree with this view, because I believe that other reasons are equally consequential.
On the one hand, I agree that salary can be the major reasons for people looking for occupations. Firstly, we cannot afford to pay for a house or go to a fancy restaurant, if we do not have enough money. Secondly, most people decide to travel abroad on the holidays to refresh their minds, but it will cost a great deal of money on the activities. For example, as I travelled to Japan with my friends on the summer vacation, I spend almost my one month's salary. Finally, most people who want to form a family will find it difficult because life expenditure, tuition and housing are really expensive for normal income parents.
On the other hand, I believe that there are various factors as important as what we earn in our jobs. One factor is that working with a nice boss and kind colleagues would make you feel more comfortable, and they may even help you to make through the obstacles that you have suffered from. Also, job location is a key consideration for people who is searching for works. For instance, while the companies offer a high-paying job, will you spend more than two hours to get there? Finally, some people choose their career simply because they really enjoy it, and are willing to spend more time on it.
In conclusion, although I disagree that salary is a top priority for people to find the jobs, I consider that other factors, such as job location, good co-workers, are also crucial.
agree that salary can be the major reasons => ... one of the major reasons
go abroad on the holidays =>>> ... on holiday
Your conclusion sounds wierd to me. I ưould write "While I agree that salary is one of the top priorities..., I also belive that other factors are equally crucial."
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15460 Shao, this is an "extent" essay so you cannot simply dis/agree with a given statement. You need to show a degree of emotion in your response. Usually, words such as strongly, totally, fully, empathically ,a nd other emotional descriptive words help to drive home the "extent" of your response. The terms partially and conditionally also apply to these types of essays, provided you do not "totally" agree with the given statement first.
In your actual discussion, you indicate that you totally agree with the given statement but then proceed to do a comparison discussion for your response. Therefore, you do not totally agree but rather "conditionally" agree with the given statement. Once you "totally" agree, you are not allowed to discuss anything but the singular point of view in the extent essay. However, a measured response of agreement or disagreement allows you to do a comparative discussion that also helps you to highlight your understanding of the discussion.
I do not advice my students to use the partial response in these essays though because, being ESL students, it is hard enough for you to compose an essay based on a single point of view much less two points of view. By focusing on a single opinion discussion, you allow yourself to better develop your reasoning and grammar presentation. It eliminates the need to try to develop 2 reasons for 2 separate discussions which takes away from your writing and editing time.
Please take note of the advice I gave above and apply it to your future practice essays. I guarantee an improvement in your presentation and overall score once you implement the corrections I listed for you.
