Toefl: The truth issue - Relationships are boon to humans in this world

Hi everyone, this is my debut to this forum. Could any one correct my toefl essay and please suggest me about my mistakes because I;m going to write my exam soon.

"Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Always telling the truth is most important consideration in any relationship."
Relationships are boon to humans in this world. There are different factors that contribute for maintaining healthy relations such as honesty, trust, loyalty and faithfulness etc. People believe that truthfulness is the foundation stone to build strong relationships. On the other hand some believe that telling lies is responsible for long lasting relations. As far as I am concerned, both truth and white lies contributes to good relations but it depends on the situation or type of relationship. I could bolster my point by illustrating following reasons and examples.

Firstly, in relations where money plays a major role such as business should involve truth. For instance, my friend and I as partners started a business last year. But it lasts for only six months. The main reason for its failure was he lied with me regarding the profits. This not only demolishes our partnership but friendship too. So in such case telling lies is inappropriate.

Secondly, the relationships involving trust lasts for a life only when there is no room for lies. For example consider married life. Marriage is a bond between two lives formed by only trust. But trust in turn depends on how much truthful these two to each other. If any one of the life partners cheats the other by having extra marital relations with others, it destroys the trust between them, leads to divorce.

Finally, white lies strengthen the relationships in certain occasions. For instance, a relation involving love such as mother and child relations are strengthened by telling white lies, because it never hurts others. When I was a child my mother used to say that I was more beautiful than my siblings. With these types of lies I have got more and more love on my mother. In cases like cancer patients, telling lie about their health condition will corroborate their hope on life.

So, finally in the culmination I want to reiterate that to be truthful to others is considerable to maintain relations for a life at the same time telling white lies is as much important as truth to strengthen the relationships.

Thanking you in advance.

if this is 1 of ur initial attempts at essay writing, i would say that u hav some way to go. however, i would advise u not to submit this essay for grading. the essay lacks purposeful direction & is vague on many accounts. it has no content that supports the heading. u need to use reasoned arguments & not to be afraid of lengthy essays. build up on ur illustrations with patience & a lot of forethought.

.... Avoid using synonyms if you are not so sure of their usage.


... "truth and white lies" - plural
....both truth and white lies contribute

This sentence is very confusing. First, you should pay lots of attention to your grammar. Then you need to be more cautious about clarity of your sentences. Express one idea in one sentence and make sure it is delivered to the reader very clearly. In this sentence, what should involve truth? Is it the relationship ? or business?


... you did business together last year, so this sentence should be in past tense.



.... as dumi mentioned above, be very very careful about using synonyms. Don't use them if you are not sure of the word.

... this sentence is too general. What you need is to add supporting sentences, as to be more details.


For example should be followed by a sentence.



be consistent in using the phrase. your start using the phrase "telling lies" with plural noun, so it would be nice if it is placed as plural noun consecutively.

follow basic structure

I think you should pay some attention to punctuations.
For example, there should be a coma after "on the other hand".