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TOEFL: In twenty years, cars vs environment



Yunyu Zhang 1 / -  
Aug 2, 2019   #1

fewer cars in the future?



In current society, with the development of life standard, an increasing number of people could afford the private cars. And also, because of the convenience of private transportation, there are more and more cars in roads. Nevertheless, this situation is incurring many negative effects, which causes some people predict that the use of cars will be reduced in twenty years. In my opinion, it is highly likely to happen.

First of all, people's awareness about protecting environment will definitely raise in the future. As a result, they will not tend to choose this transportation method which is considered as the major course of air pollution. It's true that in some countries, especially developing and undeveloped countries, people pay more attention on rapid economic growth, and they do not hesitate to develop it at the expense of environment. For instance, these countries do not care the exhausted gases released by cars, even those gases have lead severe air pollution. By contrast, in twenty years, people living in those regions, even in whole of the world will suffer from the consequence of environment damage such as air pollution leading to chronic respiratory diseases. In order to build a safe and environment-friendly society, it's possible that people have a tendency to use fewer cars.

In addition, the various kinds of transportation methods also give a variety of choices to meet people's daily life. Specifically, with the development of science and technology, governments have made efforts to develop environment-friendly transportation methods and to construct public transportation network which help public transportation methods to be more reasonable. Compared with the cost of flue, maintaining and repair for cars, people are inclined to choose cost-efficient ways, like subways, trains and airplanes. Because of the convenient public transportation systems, the use of cars would be reduced.

Admittedly, people have more individualized need which cars can more suitably meet than relatively rigid public transportation. Nevertheless, advantages of reducing the use of cars far overweigh the benefit of not limiting.

In a nutshell, I'm convinced that with the raise of environment awareness and the more preferable transportation system, people will use fewer cars in twenty years.

Maria - / 1096  
Aug 2, 2019   #2
@Yunyu Zhang
Hi. Hopefully I'll provide you with writing feedback that you will be able to learn from. Please do keep coming back to us for more!

I suggest omitting unnecessary lines and words throughout your essay. If you do this, you'll be able to focus on curating substantive details because it would allow you to focus on more essential information and prioritize these portions. Having said that, I recommend applying this specifically to your first paragraph. When transitioning, for instance, to your second sentence, try to omit the first lines and go straightforward. Remember that a straightforward writing approach will immensely assist you in writing efficiently.

Your second paragraph as well can be enhanced by simplifying details. If you can separate a line into two sentences, opt to do it as this will help you have more of a logical approach.


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