IELTS essay, It is unfair to have children engaged in some kind of paid work

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

Nowadays, children works are controversial issue all around the world. The special laws have been legislated to protect children against working. I think, despite working can be a valuable experience, for children is unfair.

Every different stage of live bring its own requisites. In childhood, playing and staying far from stresses and tensions are essential for kids. They need to discover and touch world whit their own point of views. One the other hand, to avoid early mature in children, contributing in adult lives must be limited. Many stories have been written based on children who suffer from early mature that argue about how important is for children to stay far away from adults activities.

Nobody can protect children in environmental works. It is clear that all employers are not reliable. Children are vulnerable and it is easy to exploit them. Unfortunately, a lot of news have been reported about abusing children by their employers. Moreover, in most of the time children are threatened to remain silent. In this condition, because of fear they never protest and abusing continue for a long time.

In spite of listed problems, everybody knows that working increase the experience and children responsibilities. During the hours work, every employee face with variety of difficulties; with finding, tackling and solving problems children can become ready for more progressive activities.

In conclusion, although children can promote their life knowledge and earn money in safe working place, I prefer to let them play and enjoy of their childhood together with their little friends.

Thanks for your comments

Indicate here what is the question here since this is just only the scenario.

Is it do you agree or disagree? What are your views?
Discuss both views?

I forgot to write the question completely. Thanks for reminding me
The question is:
what are your opinions on this?

Some small mistakes;
I think, despite working can be a valuable experience, for children it is unfair.

Every different stage of live bring its own requisites. In childhood, playing and staying far from stresses and tensions are essential for kids. They need to discover and touch the world whitwith their own point of views.

I think you are expected to give examples to strengthen your reasons. Dont you?

One person works on the project.
Two people work on the project.
When there is only one person/thing, the verb does not need an s on the end.

The same thing is happening here:
In spite of listed problems, everybody knows that working increase the experience and children responsibilities. --- working is one thing, so you need an s on the end of increase.

In spite of the listed problems, everybody knows that working increases the experience and the sense of responsibility.

I think, despite the fact that working can be a valuable experience, that work for children is unfair.

Nobody can protect children in environmental works. ----good point! But the sentence needs revision:
Nobody can protect children in a work environment.