It is unfair for local people to pay the same amount of money on tourist attraction with foreigners.

Hello!
I will take IELTS test next thursday and last time I failed to pass writing exam
Please help me ! Thank you :D

Q: Foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

A: People's opinions regarding attraction fee differ from person to person. Personally, I agree with that foreign tourists should pay more entrance fee compared to local visitors.

To begin with, it is unfair for local people to pay the same amount of money on tourist attraction with foreigners. Entrance fee is necessary to maintain and repair cultural or historical attractions. However, local people already pay taxes and it is spent on local infrastructure including tourist attractions. So, if local people pay the same fee with foreigners, it means that they pay double. For example, Korean government spends 5% of the tax on local attractions each year, so local people do not need to pay the same entrance fee with foreign visitors.

Another reason is that it is helpful to the local economy. More local tourists would visit domestic attractions when they pay less money than foreign visitors. If local people pay the same fee with foreign people, they would travel abroad rather than stay at local area because they would think there is no merit to visit local landmarks. For instance, the Namsan tower, which is a well-known tourist attraction increased the entrance fee of foreigners and then more local people have started to visit there. These people had a positive influence on local accommodation and food industry, so the overall local economy became better.

In conclusion, I agree with the opinion that foreign visitors should pay more because it is fair for local people and encourages local economy.

Thank you very much !!

Good.Still, I think this opening sentences should be presented in more appealing tone. Here is mine;
Preserving cultural heritage tourism needs sufficient funds. Some people argue that international tourists visiting tourism attractions should be charged more compared to domestic tourists. While it is true to such an extent, I would also claim that foreign visitors have to bring immense benefits to local areas.


With the aim of preventing repetitive contains, it is always good to write personal thought prior to closing your concluding paragraph. A closer look at this

The aforementioned evidence reveals that money should be spent to the preservation of the country's national interests. It is thought that foreign tourists should allocate more funds.Where possible, both local and foreign visitors work together to keep the historical and cultural sites alive (personal thought)

Hope this helps, eddy suaib.

- To begin with , it is unfair ( you should change another phrase, because "To be gin with" is applied for speaking. How about: the first reason, first of all,...

- local people already payhave paid taxes (You need to use Perfect Present Tense here)
- "tourist attraction" is repeated much times, so you can change it to "Destination" (If you use it, your essay will abundant, and your vocabulary point is higher

- Another reason is thatit is helpful to the local economy => I think you need to change this sentence: Another major reason is the local economy will be improved.)

- so the overall local economy became better ( I think you could use another word in stead of became such as: the overall local economy would be much better.

- In conclusion part, you need to illustrate your opinion about the topic. and the conclusion should contain from 2 to 3 sentences.

Hope this help. ^.^ Bye.
Ron.