Hi everyone, thank you so much for stopping by. I need some suggestions and insights of my writting task 2.
Critics are very welcome! :)
Do the dangers derived from the use of chemicals in food production and preservation outweigh the advantages?
The usage of chemical materials in food-making and maintenance has become a debatable issues. For several case, it provides an impact for the food whilst others calculates the risk. Regarding to several statements, I highly likely believe that chemical materials have more drawbacks than benefits in the food-treatment.
Having said that, in some countries, the utilization of chemical materials for food-making should comply the governance standard such as the amount of usage, usage limit, and even the side effects. The usage of chemicals which usually found in the snacks, traditional snacks, or any variety of foods might have an adverse influence for the society. For instance, sushi, noodles, or even rice have applied the chemicals, in order to strengthen the flavour or make it more appealing. Consequently, the consumption which is carried out continuosly might cause a health issue for the society. Some people would have a few diseases, which would be accumulated in the future. In addition, there is no solid proof as well, which can reveal the usefulness of chemicals, apart from preserving, colouring, or add any various flavour for the food. All of them might be used in a different way, but the impacts still have not found yet.
Nevertheless, the advantage of chemicals might maintain the condition of food for a long time. Normally, it is used by the transportation company for preserving their quality of foods to the customer. As an example from it, we might have eaten several instant foods or daily foods which have been "flavoured" by chemicals material in the transportation company or any fast-food restaurants. The presence of chemicals, however, have provided several merits, after all.
In sum, the key to the issue of chemicals materials in food-making are depend on how and why we use it. I would therefore argue that although there are advantages of the chemicals usage, they are outweighed by the disadvantages, such as health issue problems which clearly could address an awareness to society of the chemicals usage in food-making.
GBU!! :)
Patric, before seeing the content, I would like to focus on your grammatical problems. Grammatical range and accuracy is one of the four essential scoring criteria of IELTS writing task 2 in public band descriptors. Therefore, the descriptions below are the errors and corrections from your essay.
- ...become a debatable issuesissue.
- For several casecases, it provides an impact for the food whilst others calculatescalculate the risk.
- Regarding to several statements, I highly likely believe that(highly likely is something that hasn't happened yet, it states a tendency or a willingness, but the action hasn't done yet. So, the meaning will be shifted, be careful) chemical materials have more drawbacks than benefits in the food-treatment. (this 'several statements' is unclear, you've never mentioned any statements before)
- ...the utilization of chemical materials for food-making should complybe compatible with the governance standard...
- ...carried out continuoslycontinuously might cause...
- ...add any various flavourflavours for the food...
- All of them might be used in a different way, but the impacts still have not found yet.(this is not a concluding sentence, for each body paragraph you need to make at least one if you want to reach band 6 or above.)
There you are Patric, I hope you get what you're looking for, a constructive feedback. The last two paragraphs will be the place for you and others to practice proofread or peer-corrections in order to improve their writing skills. Good luck for that :)
Hi Patric, aside from the corrections above that focused on your grammar, I would like to add that your essay started very good, in fact it is strong enough to fully and properly answer the prompt. You manage to provide what is asked in this writing project.
Now as much as I love the introduction and towards the body of your essay, the conclusion seems to be off, here are my suggestions.
- In sumTo conclude ,
- the key to resolving the issue
-of using chemicals materials in food-making
- are depend on
- therefore( this is not necessary) argue that,
- health issuesproblems
- which clearly could clearly address
- an awareness to society
There you have it Patric, try or work on the word choices that you associate in your sentences and make sure that you don't repeat the words or its synonyms as this will be redundant.
I hope to review your final revision soon.
