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IELTS 2 - humans should not exploit animals - it is morally wrong and it harms animals

chaugiang 1 / -  
Jul 31, 2020   #1

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Topic animals

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research.

Discuss both view and give your opinion.

It is believed that humans should not employ animals it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer, while others are in favor of exploiting them due to their benefits of humanity. This essay will discuss both points of view before coming to a reasoned conclusion.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why protecting animals from killing them for daily products is a considerable choice. First, many scientific shreds of evidence show that consuming an excessive amount of meat on a regular and long-term basis may cause health problems, including cancer and heart disease. Instead, vegetarian diets that are proved to provide the same amount of nutrients for consumers are becoming the best selection. Moreover, thousands of wild animals like tigers and rhinos are killed each year; their fur, bones, and horns are taken for medicine and the fashion industry. However, there is no endorsement that these products are available for curing diseases. Therefore, it is such an inhuman action that should be restricted by the government.

Despite the above arguments, I believe that animals' products are vital for human life that could not be altered immediately. Food products from animals are necessary for the human to meet the demand of nutrition which in vegetarian foods do not contain. Besides, some people who are into meat need this type of protein to be satisfied and enjoy their lives in some ways. Another reason is that medical experiments on people are considered to be so risky that we need animals like white mice to use as substitutes. As a result, these animals desire their lives for science instead of having meaningless ones and humans could limit the damages in many lab experiments.

In conclusion, the use of animals to provide food, medicine, and clothing is essential to satisfy our various needs. However, consumption must be strictly controlled and used for advantageous purposes.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,413 4391  
Jul 31, 2020   #2
Your prompt paraphrase is confusing as the details from the original prompt have not been separated in your presentation. Use 3 sentences to separate the information then 2 sentences in the same paragrapg to opine the discussion points.

You have also misrepresented the discussion instructions. You are not being asked to present a conclusion regarding the given topic. Instead, you are directed to offer a personal opinion. An opinion is only a point of view or your thoughts about the topic. A conclusion is a determined ending to a problem or discussion. There lies the difference and there exists your prompt deviation that could very well cause this essay to fail. Your Task accuracy will fall under a response not related to the prompt.

Your overall essay discussion does not follow the pattern expected for the discussion.This requires a 3 reasoning paragraph wherein you individually explain each point of view and then, after considering the comparison of the two sides, you come to an I nformed opinion. Your presentation appears to be an incomplete discussion and will be scored as such.

The improper discussion format and incorrect restatement presentation are the biggest problems of your essay. So you cannot expect a good score for this type of work.
hyperephania 10 / 27  
Aug 1, 2020   #3
I think your essay exceeded the word limit for an IELTS Writing Task 2. Try leaving out the two last sentences in the two body paragraphs and replacing which with an example would have sounded more reasonable.

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