IELTS- Using gap year for travel or working is good or bad?

Please give me your comments!! Thanks in advance and have a nice day!:)
Topic:
Nowadays, it is quite common for young people in many countries who are encouraged to stop their studies for a year after finishing high school. Although the trend gives students useful choices whether they desire to travel or get a job, negative sides obviously exist.

Travelling and working have many advantages, especially for students who have less experience or and difficulty in financial condition. Those who have spent their time earning a living themselves, can become more independent. This is a very important element to deal well with study and research in universities. Additionally, travel is the best way to discover new things and gain a better understanding of people in the world with one's own eyes which are not written in books.

However, having a break from studies for a long time seems to be a big challenge getting back to the academic environment. More and more students find it hard to get along with courses in universities because of their perspective changes. For instance, if a young people get a job which gives them high salary and develop career skills, they could easily decide to dropout. But overall, I think this is rarely happen these days, when workers need to have academic qualifications to seek for a high position.

Thus, I agree that students should be allowed to take a year off. Schools could not show them such a valuable experience to broaden their mind and access to various aspects of real life. Those students usually are the most motivated and active ones.

travel is the best way to discover new things and gain a better understanding of people in the world with one's own eyes which are not written in books.

In my opinion it should be something like this:
"travel is the best way to discover new things and to gain a unique perspective on the human nature in different countries,which, no book could ever describe better than one's own experience."

if a young people get a job which gives them ------------->>> if a young person got a job that pays him high salary

you used' a,' which, means it is singular, so u can't use people nor them in this sentence

there is also this sentence: " I think this is rarely happen these days" it should be something like this : I think that this rarely happens these days.

" when workers need to have academic qualifications to seek for a high position."
well i didn't fully understand what you were trying to say, nonetheless, maybe it's something like this:
because,workers have to have academic qualifications, in order for them to seek a job at a higher position.

In my opinion, it's a weak sentence. I'd like to fix it:
Many people, especially students who are unable to own a stable income usually look for a job while travelling. It brings to young people not only the chance to cover their needs but also valuable experiences in the trip.

we have structure Find something +hard+ adjective

.... not grammatically incorrect. However, it sounds a bit crowded with too many words;
Nowadays, the gap year is a very common trend that students use to travel or work for one year after finishing high school.


.... this sounds too close to what the prompt suggests. You better present the same idea differently;
Although this trend gives students useful choices, it has a negative side too.