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Using media gives many cons on individual relationship between citizens.


Castro 2 / 2  
Dec 6, 2016   #1
ACADEMIC WRITING TASK 2 GIVE ADVICE FOR MY WRITING

Using media gives many cons on individual relationship between citizens. Although many drawbacks which are caused by media, I tend to disagree in this view.

Recently, developed media electronic so rapidly it is causing pros and cons. In one side, media gives many negative effects on individual relationship such as miss communication, become solitary people and lack of social relation. It is mainly because media in cutting-edge era gives the easiest communication, interaction, and information access but all of them lead us to less directly contacting, because they think that communication bay digital devices easier than directly meeting. For example, tend using social media as their consideration to make conversation each other which offers the easiest way and an efficient way although there is no one give guaranty that social media can be clearly send the message.

However, digital media can be leads people to build good relationship and it gives many advantages such as keep in touch between people which are different places, fast access information, and it gives entertainment as well. For illustrates, media devices can connect people which is different area and it can be share document each other such as photo, music and video. As the result, citizen can fast access information from their friends not only that but also society can share entertainment to others.

To sum up, media electronic gives pros and cons but i think that people happier use media than do not use it, nowadays. I hope in the future developed media devices much better than right now.

257 Word.

Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Dec 6, 2016   #2
Hi Louchin, when you post your essay for review, please always remember to post the original instructions / prompt for the essay. As a reviewer, we need that information to guide us in reviewing certain parts of your essay. Mostly it helps us to judge your task accuracy band score. With that said, I will now proceed to give you a general review of your writing task.

In terms of your essay topic paraphrasing, I do not feel that you did a very good job on it. I did not get any background information regarding the actual prompt topic, what the discussion is supposed to cover ( aside from your opinion), and what sort of succeeding discussion I am supposed to expect in the next paragraphs. There is a lack of clarity in your paraphrasing of the topic so the actual theme of the essay is not properly presented to the reader.

When you say that there are pros and cons to an issue, you must make sure to dedicate one paragraph specifically for the pros and another for the cons. The way your essay sounds at the moment, there is no separation in the discussion. This produces a lack of clarity in your thought process and shows the examiner that you do not have any really cohesive and coherent ideas for discussion regarding the topic.

If you think that merely saying "I think..." in the concluding paragraph represents your opinion in the essay, you are badly mistaken. Your opinion should be a full paragraph on its own that clearly depicts your opinion, ideas, and examples in support of your stance. So what you wrote is not really a conclusion but rather, another paragraph that represents your opinion.

Overall, you need to work harder on the formatting of the essay. You must pay attention to the way that you discuss the topics. Make sure that you try your best to present a logical thought process in your succeeding essays in order to help you improve your test scores. At the moment, this essay would fail within the band scores.
yika 6 / 12 1  
Dec 7, 2016   #3
Hello, this is my correction for you

... many cons on the individual

I tend to disagree inon this view.

tendtendency on using social media

social media can be clearly sendsending the message.

However, digital media can be leadslead people

touch betweenwith people illustrates,

... connect people which isare different area

and it can be shareshared document

thank you


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