Before I launch into the grammatical errors contained in your essay, I have to tell you that the essay itself lacks any solid information that can help to support your own stance in support of vegetarianism. A quick Google search would have shown you a number of vegetarianism health benefits. I also would like to point out that you should have had a better discussion of the supporting and non supporting discussion. The reasons that you do have within your essay are all poorly developed and could use a lot more supporting information to give your argument some weight. Both pro and con sides should have been discussed more thoroughly. Is there a word count limit on the paper? If there is, then there is a way you can work around it to still deliver a solid essay.
Now for the grammatical corrections that I hope will help you out in the revision of your paper :-)
It is undeniable that
at present time, a good health can be maintained without consuming meat products. In clarifying, people can fulfill all their needs by means of meatless foods
Many scientists hold an opinion that
when it comes to vegetarianism , it can be considered as a healthy diet.
However, others tend to think that meat products can be beneficial when it comes to avoiding monotonous
type of diet
- monotonous diets.
To the best of my opinion, it is more practical which is worthy of being paid attention, and it will be known within the scope of my essay.
- Revise this sentence. What is more practical? What stand are you making in this introduction? You should make it very clear to the reader as your thesis statement at the end of the introductory paragraph.
For a variety of reasons many people consider vegetarianism as a harmful trend.
- Rephrase this
: Many people consider vegetarianism a harmful trend for a variety of reasons.
Firstly, people claim that vegetarians do not eat a balanced diet.
- People claim that...
- Why are you making this claim? Present supporting evidence.
As human organism is in need of organic food as well.
- This should be a separate paragraph in disagreement with vegetarianism. Present facts to support this claim.
Secondly, in many cultures, meat is the paramount ingredient in traditional meals. "Kebab", for instance, is one of the traditional foods of Uzbekistan, which consists of only meat. Finally, meat-eaters argue that animals are below humans in the food chain.
- What does this statement have to do with your argument? Are you saying meat containing diets are better?
A majority of people choose vegetarian diet for moral and health reasons. It can reduce the risk of disease like cancer.
- In what way? Always present supporting information when making a claim otherwise you are making an unsupported claim that will not strengthen the statement presented.
Given these evidences, it can be clearly said that both vegetarian and meat-containing diets are to be kept when it comes to maintaining a good and stable health.
- You totally missed the requirement of the prompt. You need to pick a stand either for or against the argument presented and then argue your stand.
Basically, you need to go back and revise this essay because right now, this essay cannot be submitted for a grade. You need to fix it and I hope the suggestions that I made will help you do that. I am looking forward to reading the improved 2nd draft :-)