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Ielts task II : Vegetarianism vs meat-containing diets.


Abdurasul 32 / 90 4  
Sep 4, 2014   #1
Topic: Human beings do not need to eat meat products in order to maintain a good health because they can get all their needs from meatless products and meatless substitutes. A vegetarian diet is as healthy as a diet containing meat. Argue for or against the opinion above.

It is undeniable that at present time, a good health can be maintained without consuming meat products. In clarifying, people can fulfill all their needs by means of meatless foods. Many scientists hold an opinion that when it comes to vegetarianism, it can be considered as a healthy diet. However, others tend to think that meat products can be beneficial when it comes to avoiding monotonous type of diet. To the best of my opinion, it is more practical which is worthy of being paid attention, and it will be known within the scope of my essay.

For a variety of reasons many people consider vegetarianism as a harmful trend. Firstly, people claim that vegetarians do not eat a balanced diet. As human organism is in need of organic food as well. Secondly, in many cultures, meat is the paramount ingredient in traditional meals. "Kebab", for instance, is one of the traditional foods of Uzbekistan, which consists of only meat. Finally, meat-eaters argue that animals are below humans in the food chain.

On the other hand, there are some benefits of a meatless diet that can easily overwhelm its potential pitfalls. A majority of people choose vegetarian diet for moral and health reasons. It can reduce the risk of disease like cancer. Therefore, people claim that it is unnecessary to kill animals when it comes to getting food.

Given these evidences, it can be clearly said that both vegetarian and meat-containing diets are to be kept when it comes to maintaining a good and stable health.
capire92 1 / 1  
Sep 4, 2014   #2
"In clarifying, people can fulfill all their needs by means of meatless foods. Many scientists hold an opinion that when it comes to vegetarianism, it can be considered as a healthy diet."

I think these 2 lines are a bit redundant.

"As human organism is in need of organic food as well. "
what part of vegetarian diet is not organic ?

How does the example of traditional meat diet imply that vegetarian food is harmful to health ?

Furthermore, a definitive stance was not taken at all.
Both the sides were barely discussed.
vangiespen - / 4,236 1449  
Sep 4, 2014   #3
Before I launch into the grammatical errors contained in your essay, I have to tell you that the essay itself lacks any solid information that can help to support your own stance in support of vegetarianism. A quick Google search would have shown you a number of vegetarianism health benefits. I also would like to point out that you should have had a better discussion of the supporting and non supporting discussion. The reasons that you do have within your essay are all poorly developed and could use a lot more supporting information to give your argument some weight. Both pro and con sides should have been discussed more thoroughly. Is there a word count limit on the paper? If there is, then there is a way you can work around it to still deliver a solid essay.

Now for the grammatical corrections that I hope will help you out in the revision of your paper :-)

It is undeniable that at present time,a good health can be maintained without consuming meat products.

In clarifying, people can fulfill all their needs by means of meatless foods

- People can...

Many scientists hold an opinion that when it comes to vegetarianism, it can be considered as a healthy diet.

However, others tend to think that meat products can be beneficial when it comes to avoiding monotonous type of diet

- monotonous diets.

To the best of my opinion, it is more practical which is worthy of being paid attention, and it will be known within the scope of my essay.

- Revise this sentence. What is more practical? What stand are you making in this introduction? You should make it very clear to the reader as your thesis statement at the end of the introductory paragraph.

For a variety of reasons many people consider vegetarianism as a harmful trend.

- Rephrase this : Many people consider vegetarianism a harmful trend for a variety of reasons.

Firstly, people claim that vegetarians do not eat a balanced diet.

- People claim that...
- Why are you making this claim? Present supporting evidence.

As human organism is in need of organic food as well.

- This should be a separate paragraph in disagreement with vegetarianism. Present facts to support this claim.

Secondly, in many cultures, meat is the paramount ingredient in traditional meals. "Kebab", for instance, is one of the traditional foods of Uzbekistan, which consists of only meat. Finally, meat-eaters argue that animals are below humans in the food chain.

- What does this statement have to do with your argument? Are you saying meat containing diets are better?

A majority of people choose vegetarian diet for moral and health reasons. It can reduce the risk of disease like cancer.

- In what way? Always present supporting information when making a claim otherwise you are making an unsupported claim that will not strengthen the statement presented.

Given these evidences, it can be clearly said that both vegetarian and meat-containing diets are to be kept when it comes to maintaining a good and stable health.

- You totally missed the requirement of the prompt. You need to pick a stand either for or against the argument presented and then argue your stand.

Basically, you need to go back and revise this essay because right now, this essay cannot be submitted for a grade. You need to fix it and I hope the suggestions that I made will help you do that. I am looking forward to reading the improved 2nd draft :-)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,225 457  
Sep 11, 2014   #4
On the other hand, there are some benefits of a meatless diet that can easily overwhelm its potential pitfalls.

Going meat-free on a vegetarian diet plan may need to be alert to potential pitfalls.

it can be clearly said that both vegetarian and meat-containing diets are to be kept when it comes to maintaining a good and stable health.

Well, even though this essay opens for discussion, it is always good to express your point of view conclusion. Where possible, you could state a suggestion.



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