Pancreas cancer is disease which make many people died. The result of survey in 2016 obtained, that pancreatic cancer is the third high rate to make people died. The other survey found the percentage of people who can survive with cancer disease shows tiny percentage at 8% than breast cancer at 89%. Also, the average of died caused pancreatic cancer has not difference as long as 49 years ago.
Many doctors establish pancreatic cancer treatment to be more effective. But, they didn't find positive solution for it. Many doctors give pancreatic cancer treatment by chemotherapy, it is routine treatment that same approach for the breast cancer. But, that treatment has a few progress to stop pancreatic cancer growth. Because, pancreatic cancer in the middle vital organs such us stomach, liver, and bile duck. Also, drugs injected in the vain to navigate in our body, until the tumor center. However, navigate drugs by bloods so limited reduce pancreatic cancer system.
New treatment was establish by collaboration clinical center in Boston found the pancreatic cancer can be effective by localize it with the panther matrix. The panther matrix is a drug that flexible to implant directly by the doctor. Pre-clinical study obtained the panther matrix reduce the systemic toxic effect of body.
Hi Miss Dhyla..
These are my corrections for your writing. I really hope those can help to boost your ability.
Pancreas cancer is A disease which makeS many A LARGE NUMBER OF people died (You can also write "Plenty of/ A wide Range-- For synonym of many) . The result of A survey in 2016 obtained, showed that pancreatic cancer
The other ANOTHER survey found the percentage of people who can survive with THE cancer disease shows ...
Also FOLLOWING THAT (Also is not the linking word), the average of (...) has not difference BECOME DIFFERENT as long as 49 years ago.
Many doctors establish pancreatic cancer treatment to be (Actually, these are a conjunction and an auxiliary verb, but I have omitted those--- which is more effective) more effective. HOWEVER, they didn't DID NOT (DO NOT USE CONTRACTIONS IN THE FORMAL WRITING) find A positive solution for it. Many A WIDE RANGE OF doctors give pancreatic cancer treatment by chemotherapy, . it is THE routine treatment that HAS A same approach for the breast cancer. But IN ANY CASE, that treatment (...) cancer growth Because pancreatic cancer IS in the middle vital organs ...
Also ON THE ONE HAND, drugs injected in ...
THE New treatment was establishED by collaboration clinical (...) cancer can be effective by localize it LOCALIZED EFFECTIVELY with the panther matrix. The panther matrix is THE drug that flexible to ...
Hi Fadhilah, here's my analysis of your video summary.
1st paragraph:
- PancreasPancreatic cancer is a disease which make many people died.that kills many people.
- The result of a survey in 2016 by ....... obtained,has resulted that pancreatic cancers is the third high rate to make people died.of all types were the seventh most common cause of cancer deaths, resulting in 330,000 deaths globally.
- The other surveys have found that the percentage of people who can survive withfrom cancer disease showshas showed tiny percentage at 8% than breast cancer at 89%.
- Also, the average of dieddeath caused by pancreatic cancer has notdid not have significant difference as long asthan 49 years ago.
From the feedback of the 1st paragraph, it can be concluded that the rest of your paragraphs have similar grammatical issues, especially in sentence structure. You need to work harder in the next summarizing practice by maintaining the correct sentence structure and pay more attention on the tenses usage. Hopefully you can get some improvements in the next practice :)
aloha FadhilahUmar, I would like to share my suggestion for your summary of TED Talk video
1st paragraph
Pancreas cancer is disease which make(which effects or effecting)(verb "make" is used for creating or building something) many people died.
... pancreatic cancer is the third highest rate to make(causes) people died.
... died caused pancreatic cancer has (having) not difference as long as 49 years ago
2nd paragraph
... cancer treatment to be more effective., But, they didn't(did not) find positive solution for it.
... pancreatic cancer treatment by using chemotherapy, it is routine treatment that same as approach for the breast cancer., But, that treatment has a few ...
Because, pancreatic cancer in the middle vital organs such us stomach, liver, and bile duck (I do not find Verb in this sentence).
However, they navigate drugs by bloods so limited reduce pancreatic cancer system ( I do not get your point in this sentence) .
3rd paragraph
New treatment was established by collaboration (...) found the pancreatic cancer that can be effective by localizelocalizing it with the panther matrix. The panther matrix is a drug that is flexible to be implant directly by the doctor. Pre-clinical study obtained the panther matrix could reduce the systemic ...
overall, you would better pay attention about:
1. comma (,) is used before conjunction like "but, because, and, etc" not after this
2. Subject + Verb must be there in sentence
3. correlation from one paragraph to another paragraph
Hi! I am trying to give you some changes..
Pancreas cancer is a disease which make makes many people died.
... with cancer disease shows tiny lower percentage at 8% than breast cancer at......
... Many doctors they give pancreatic cancer (...) treatment that has same approach for the breast cancer.
Because pancreatic cancer is in the middle vital organs such ...
New treatment was established by collaboration clinical center in Boston that found the pancreatic cancer ....
I hope it can be helpful..
