IELTS WRITING TASK 1: VISITORS' SATISFACTION BEFORE AND AFTER REFURBISHMENT

Ashdown Museum - travelers' expectations

The two pie charts compare travelers' expectations of Ashdown Museum before and after the improvement of infrastructure.
Overall, with the increase in the number of visitors and the refurbishment, there is a positive change in the visitors' behavior when they visit this place

Before refurbishment, exactly 15% of people find it very satisfied when they visit Ashdown Museum whereas the number of people who feel quite interested in coming in this museum is twice as many as the first category. However, after Ashdown Museum was refurbished, over a third of visitors highly satisfied with visiting the museum and the number of satisfied people accounts for 40%, makes it with the largest proportion in the survey.

Before refurbishment, most of people have no sense of satisfaction with the service and infrastructure of Ashdown Museum, with 40%. 10% of travelers even feel very dissatisfied with this activity. Then, after the government had a plan to refurbish this place, the negative behavior towards the museum drops to 20%. In the research, the proportion of people having no comments about their trip is 5% , this figure keep stable through the period of time

@sherry14
Hello there.

It would be helpful if you could provide the pie charts alongside the text next time around in order to help us evaluate the analytical part of your essay.

I would firstly recommend omitting unnecessary and irrelevant words in your essay. This will help you establish a more grounded writing style as you are able to be more concrete and straightforward with what you wish to happen. This will also help you use more productive phrases, optimizing the space you have for your essay. When you're working with word counts, this will enhance the depth of your writing.

Be cautious of the structure of your essays as well. Incorporating the appropriate usage of punctuation, preposition, and word organization would help you in this.

Additionally, make sure that you trim down your descriptive and filler words. This will help you create a more academic tone that'll be beneficial for the overall content that you have.

Having said that, let me revise a few parts of your essay.

Before refurbishment, exactly 15% of people find it very satisfied satisfying when ... Museum, whereas ... feel quite slightly interested in coming in this museum to the museum is twice... However, a After Ashdown ... of visitors were highly satisfied with visiting the museum and the number ... accountsed for 40%, makes it ... the survey. making it the largest proportion.

Best of luck.