IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Watching live events is still more satisfying than watching it on TV

QUESTION:
Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Despite the availability of simultaneous broadcasting on television, some people argue that watching live events is still more satisfying. While the exhilarating atmosphere at those live events is undeniable, I maintain that recent developments in broadcasting quality are significant.

On the one hand, the option to watch live performances such as a concert or sporting event is stimulating because people seem to enjoy the exciting atmosphere during these events. Live performances, indeed, give people a chance to interact directly with their idols as well as other audiences who are likely to share the same hobby and fantasy with them. Football and baseball matches play a good example here. At the end of the match, football players usually give away their shirts to their supporters or it has even become a tradition for baseball spectators to bring extra gloves to catch the ball given by players. Korean-pop enthusiasts chanting and singing along with the artists exemplify this precisely as well. Such moments, as a result, might be an unforgettable memory or a lifetime dream for plentiful individuals.

Nevertheless, I firmly believe that watching the same events on television is more enjoyable which is attributed to current innovations in broadcasting service. These days, in order to attract more viewers, not only do televisions offer us simultaneous broadcasting but also an excellent view of the event recorded by high-quality cameras and professional reports which keep us updated without being disturbed by crowd noises. For instance, while live audiences can hardly understand anything due to narrow vision and noises, TV viewers can have access to detailed videos which are used in VAR technology during football matches to help referees come up with accurate decisions. Therefore, television broadcasting is widely preferred by viewers and experts who truly concentrate on happenings during these events.

In conclusion, whereas live performances bring to us so much fun, I believe viewers who completely focus on the event would assume television shows as a more feasible option. Additionally, given the COVID-19 situation around the globe, live broadcasting seems to lead the dominant trend.

There are 2 problems with the prompt restatement. The first, is that the writer created a public argument where a basic idea was represented in the original prompt. There is no reference to the idea presented as a public opinion, or as a debatable topic. As such, it should have been reworded as a mere idea presentation alone. The second, is that the writer offers an opinion that does not meet the task opinion clarity requirement. The measured response, which was the expected response for that sentence, was presented later on in the discussion paragraphs, thus eliminating the correct opinion statement in the first paragraph. Therefore, the first paragraph may have difficulty in receiving a passing score based upon restatement and opinion considerations for the task.

As for the discussion format, the writer incorrectly used a comparative discussion where a single opinion based on 2 supporting reasons was required. Unlike other essays that use the comparative format due to the indication of "discuss / compare both views", this essay merely asked for a single opinion coming from the personal point of view of the writer. Therefore, a score based on task format cannot be awarded in a passing manner. The writer should be aware of the differing response formats for the differing task writing instructions in order to provide an acceptable body of paragraphs for the examiner to score.

In the conclusion, the writer also adds a totally new discussion topic at the end of the paragraph. That created an open ended essay as the new topic was not fully discussed and developed to the point where a proper concluding paragraph could have followed. Since there is no proper conclusion for this discussion, it may not achieve a passing score at all.

@Holt
Thank you for your feedback. I really appreciate your detailed comment on my two essays. I'm preparing for the IELTS test on my own so it is kinda hard for me to know my mistakes but I have understood a little bit of it now. I'll try to improve my writing in the future.