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IELTS Writing Task 2 - Children watching TV instead of doing active things

dghhnh 1 / -  
Aug 5, 2018   #1

kids prefer watching TV instead of being active outdoors

Recently, children are spending much time on TV instead of active and creative things. Why do you think this is the case? What measures will be helpful to change this problem?

In recent years, children are more keen on watching TV than doing active and creative activities. In my opinion, this trend could be attributed to two main reasons and that this is a tendency that should be changed.

The main cause for this trend is that today, there are numerous TV programs and shows which are appealing to children. These shows are usually subsequent, forcing the kids to stay tuned and hardly ever leave the TV screen. Therefore, they are often hooked and have no time for other activities. A sedentary lifestyle also contributes to one of the reasons why children are skipping dynamic activities. Kids today are often lazy and unenergetic, so sitting in one place watching TV may make them even lazier. As a result, they feel too tired to leave the screen and might eventually become couch potatoes.

However, there are various steps that could be taken to tackle this problem. Firstly, it is advisable to limit a child's time of watching TV. Their parents should be responsible for doing this by telling the kids about the potentially harmful effects of watching too much TV. If a child is informed about why binge-watching TV shows are bad for his eyes, or why it may indirectly cause obesity, he might stop doing it. Additionally, children should be encouraged to take part in outdoor activities like camping or doing volunteer work. These activities require energy and creativity, thereby making them become involved in active and creative work.

In conclusion, I believe that there are some reasons for this phenomenon, and it is vital to take measures so that this trend can be changed.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,669 4754  
Aug 6, 2018   #2
Duong, excellent work in merging your 2 reasons for why kids prefer to watch TV. You also did a good job in explaining and connecting your suggested solutions to the problem. These are 2 of the most well developed direct essay responses I have seen in a while on this forum. However, you have a problem with the opening paraphrase and the concluding summary presentations.

In the opening paraphrase, you should have immediately mentioned what your response to the 2 questions were. That is because a direct question essay requires a direct response to be given to the immediate questions. Only agree/disagree and POV opinion essays do not require immediate responses to the question provided. For the conclusion, you need to summarize the reasons you gave in the discussion and the solutions you provided prior to saying that these need to be changed. That is because the concluding summary is a reverse prompt restatement. This time, it should explain the reasons in the discussion after the prompt is repeated. In the opening paraphrase, only the original prompt should be paraphrased.

Based on a major consideration though, you did a good job on this essay. You just need more practice in order to ensure a high passing score once you take the test.

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