Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 5


About Water - Water is the most important in our world



iloveyou 5 / 12  
Jun 30, 2011   #1
Water is a natural resource in the Earth.Water is essential to our life also, such as water can solve our thristy problem, water can make us survive, water can clean our body, water can recharges our fatigue, and water can revitalise our skin.According to scientist investigation, 70% of our body mass are water.Therefore, water is very important to us.

Although water is essential to our life, we will lose water everyday also.How we lose our water? We can lose water through perspiration, respiration and bowel movement. For example, regular exercising will start perspiration which is sweating and respiration. We will proceed bowel movement also which is defecation.

Water is having a lot of benefits to us. First and foremost, water will revitalises our skin because our skin will dry under sun.
In this hectic lifestyle, we will facing a lot of stress and this may make us age.Then, water will helps to revitalise.Besides that, water can rehydrates our body.Playing games, working and perspire will causes us dehydrate.Dehydration will causes us many health problem and this may need water rehydrate.

When we playing, working, studying and so on, we will be fatigue. We need water to recharge fatigue for us to continue our activities. Fatigue can having at mentally and physically.Fatigue mental will make a person become sleepy and decrease attention of the person whereas fatigue physical will make a person's muscle become pain and tired. All of these fatigue will make people become sluggish.Last but not least, water can help a person detoxes to cleansing the bacteria of a human.In this whole world, there were nothing to help us detox and cleansing.Water is the best agent.

Water is the most important in our world.If we without food for three days we still alive but we without water for three days we will become a corpse. Water is having a lot of advantages, we should take care our water to prevent water pollusion.

dumi 1 / 6793  
Jun 30, 2011   #2
Water is a natural resource in theon Earth. Water is essential toour life also, such as water can solve our thristy problem, water can make us survivefor human existance., waterand is used tocan clean our body, water can recharge s our body from fatigue, and water can revitalise our skin. According to scientistficinvestigationresearch studies , 70% of our body mass areis made of water.Therefore, water is very important to us.-------You use the word, "water" too many times in this para which should be avoided.

Although water is essential to our life, (This you have repeatedly said in the first para) However, we will lose water everyday also .How we lose our water? We can lose water through perspiration, respiration and bowel movement. For example, regular exercising will start perspiration which isby way of sweating and respiration.
OP iloveyou 5 / 12  
Jun 30, 2011   #3
some one can help me correct the bottom part?
andytranhung 4 / 7  
Jul 1, 2011   #4
My advice is that you should try some complex structure in building your sentences. Some connections are "and", "in addition", and so on. Using just simple sentences ( the ones with only 1 phrases) will hurt your score scarily.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jul 2, 2011   #5
Water is having a lot of benefits to us benefits us in many ways.

Besides that, water can rehydrates rehydrate our bodies. Playing games and working, our perspiration will cause us become dehydrated. Dehydration will cause us many health problems, and this may require us to drink water to rehydrate.

When we playing, working, studying and so on, we will be fatigued.

We need water to recharge alleviate fatigue so we can continue our activities.

Fatigue can having have detrimental effects on us, mentally and physically.

Mental fatigue will make a person become sleepy and decrease the attention of the person, whereas physical fatigue will make a person's muscles become painful and tired.

All of these symptoms of fatigue will make people become sluggish.

Last but not least, water can help a person detoxes detoxify and cleanse her or him of bacteria.

In this whole world, there were is nothing to help us detox and cleanse better than water.Water is the best agent.

:-)


Home / Writing Feedback / About Water - Water is the most important in our world
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳