IELTS 1 Weight group comparison; the proportion of underweight, normal-weight and overweight people

Question: The table illustrates the percentage of male and female in terms of weight in Vietnam from 1999 to 2009.

Weight group comparison

The given table compares the proportion of underweight, normal-weight and overweight people between the two sexes in Vietnam. Data was recorded over the 10-year course from 1999 to 2009, and is presented by percent.

Overall, it is evident that the normal-weight group was the prominent group within both sexes throughout the years. The proportion of overweight men constantly decreased, but not to the extent which the overweight rates of women did. Details are given below.

For women, the percentage of underweight people generally remained static, at 28-29% throughout the years. The normal-weight group displayed an upward trend in proportion, rising from 43% in 1999 to 56% in 2009. The most significant change was shown in the overweight group, which almost halved over the course, from 28% to 15%.

Men, on the other hand, showcased more subtle changes in weight groups. The underweight group, which accounted for the lower percentage than that of women, experienced a slight drop from 26% to 23%. The same pattern applied for the overweight group. The proportion of normal-weight people is the only figure that increased, though slightly, from 48% to 54%.

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Hi, here are some suggestions for your answer:
course --> in my opinion, I think you should use word: "period". Moreover, I think you should combine the first 2 sentneces into new one sentence.

the way you wrote is believed not as the best way to compare data. I think in the frist part of the body of your essay, you can compare the datas of men and women in similar term of normal weight. The second part is comparing in similar terms of under weight and over weight in order.