The widely held opinion is that some governments are investing too much money in the arts

IELTS Task 2: Government is wasting money on the arts

I am learning IELTS and this is my essay on the topic.
Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts. And that this money could be better use elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

Art has existed for a long time and has always appeared in all aspects of human development since then. However, that the government is investing too much money in the arts is the widely held opinion. Those who think that the funding of the arts fields could be used for other purposes are greatly mistaken.

Art consists of seven forms and they are always present in our daily life, such as cinema, music, painting, theater, literature. One cannot deny that they are different types of entertainment that cannot be missing in society. By going to the cinema, listening to music, people can relax after many stressful hours of work with only a small amount of money. With these simple ways to relax, we can better focus on our work, which leads to greater efficiency. In addition, the profit, for example, from the music and film industry, is not a small amount and this also contributes to the development of the economy.

Moreover, some people were not born to be a scientist or an engineer. Their mind is full of emotions and art is the way they can express themselves. Investing in art is the encouragement for them to develop their appropriate skills. Furthermore, introverts, who do not often show their feeling, may sympathize with the messages of a song or a book, which helps them express their thoughts better so they can interact well with other people.

Taking these points into considerations, I would like to emphasize that, the arts prove their advantages not only in the economy but also in the social life of human. The investment in this sector is absolutely not a waste of money and it should be balanced with the funds for science, technology or healthcare.

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Could you please have a look? Thank you for all your comments!

Your response to the prompt question is incorrect. As you can see below:

OQ: To what extent do you agree with this view?
Response: Those who think that the funding of the arts fields could be used for other purposes are greatly mistaken.

The question is in relation to your agreement or disagreement with the given opinion (I strongly agree, partially agree, greatly disagree, totally disagree). It not related to the issue of whether the opinion is correct or incorrect. As such, the essay clearly shows that you misunderstood the prompt for the discussion and as such, strayed from the given discussion instruction. So, your response format is now incorrect, thus ensuring that your TA score will start under a failing score. Once the TA score is failing, it is near impossible to reverse the failing score trend in the essay. This singular error could result in a totally failed overall score due to other errors present in your written presentation.