US witnessed the highest proportion in housing while the lowest proportion was UK in the health care

The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009

A comparison of proportion of shares of expenditures in five different countries in 2009 is shown in the bar chart. Overall, the United States witnessed the highest proportion in housing while the lowest proportion was United Kingdom in health care sector.

It can be seen that, in the major needs of human life, housing was the highest proportion in all countries except Japan, more than 23% in America and UK while Canada was the lowest proportion in this sector. In contrast, Canada was the highest proportion in clothing demand at 7% and there was small gap between Japan and USA. Another sector, Food experienced 22% in Japan while Canada was lower 7% than Japan. Lastly, the minority of food expenditures was in America only 14%.

Transportation sector witnessed 20% in Canada. Whereas, Japan was lower 10% than Canada. The second highest proportion in this area was United States around 17%. On the other hand, a very small percentage was England, Japan and Canada in health care category. UK experienced the lowest percentage only 10% while America was the greatest, two times than Japan and Canada.

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1. I suggest in to reduce repetition of "IN" in the sentence.


2. You can emphasize your introduction with adding another overview. For instance in clothing, the percentage of all countries almost same / the gap between countries is smallest in comparison with others.


3. REPETITION: maybe in the second sentence you can change it into passive forms :
In contrast, the highest proportion in clothing was depicted by Canada at 7%


4. Don't forget to add "AT" or "BY" before the number.

Meireza,

- A comparison of the proportion of shares of expenditures in fivefour different countries...
- Overall, it can be seen that the United States witnessed the highest proportionpercentage in housing while the lowest proportion was the United Kingdom in health care sector. (repetitive usage of "proportion")

- It can be seen thatTo begin with , in the major needs of human life, housing was the highest proportion(repetitive)largest percentage in all countries except Japan, more than 23% in America and the UK...

- In contrast, Canada was the highest proportionmost dominant percentage/proportion in clothing..
- Another sector, f ood experienced 22% in...
- Lastly, the minority of food expenditures was in America(repetitive sentence pattern as above)the United States of America only had 14% for food expenditures and it became the minority.

Overall, some alterations have been delivered, especially in grammatical range and accuracy. I hope you can gain some improvements in the next practice. Good luck :)