Women who were employed in four countries - A REPORT DESCRIBING THE INFORMATION

It's my first essay, i am prepare for ielts now and will be very grateful for your advice guys :)

The line graph represents the percentage of women who were employed in four countries from 1985 to 2005. Information was provided for the USA, Korea, Afghanistan, and France.

From 1985, indicators of the USA, Afghanistan, and Korea are going up; what not say about France? Starting from 1985 in France there was a pretty fast decrease in the rate, until in 1990 the rate increased significantly, having reached its highest index in 2000 which was more than 50 percent. While France's line grew, in other countries lines indicate stable moderate growth, except Afghanistan, whose line from 1995 is going down very dramatically. During there period of 1995 to 2000 the percentage fell from more than 30 to less than 10. After a sharp fall, the rate continued to go down but this time slowly and by 2005 is moving towards 0. At that time, after a long-term raise, the line of the USA has a slight decrease in the last five years. The only country where there is no decrease is Korea, starting from 1985 there was a stable rise in the rate.

According to the line graph, the USA and France were the countries where the majority of women were employed in 2005

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Your efforts in writing this analysis paper is commendable. However, that does not mean that you did it properly. You actually have a sentence that may be considered plagiarism in the first paragraph because it is too similar, practically a cut and paste of the original prompt. You must always change all of the wording in the presentation. Make it your own. State the facts based on your own understanding.

It is incorrect to post a rhetorical question in the task 1 essay. You cannot ask a question because you are supposed to be reporting on the given information. When you state a question, you are asking the reader to respond, which cannot be done since they do not have all of the information with which to base a response on. The qork is good, but problematic. You stated the trend in the final part, which would have been alright if it did not have a GRA error, since there is no period at the end of the sentence. You did not format the sentence properly so deductions will be applied.