Work commuting transportation - Ielts writing task 1 pie charts

reasons for cycling/driving to work

The two pie charts compare the various factors which affected people to choose the two different ways, biking and driving, to commute to their workplace by percentage.

On the whole, in order to keep fitness and decline air pollution, a large number of people decide to work by bicycle. In comparison with the reasons for cycling, most workers drive their own private vehicles because of comfort.

In terms of workers who bike to work, both health and environment are crucial factors which account for 30 % respectively. The combination of numbers of parking spaces, less expenditure than vehicles, speed of bikes occurred in 40 %.

In contrast, approximately 40 % of drivers believe it is more comfortable to drive to work, and the factor of distance also has 21 % of supporters. More than 2 % of people think it is faster to commute by cars than by bikes. Similarly, the figure of thinking the weight of belongings accounts for the same 14 %. Only 11% of workers drive owing to the care of safety of bicycles.

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@jocelyne001
Welcome back here! I hope you're back to gather more learning ventures from this forum. Please do inform us about how beneficial this has been for you. I'll do my best now to provide you with a helpful feedback on your writing.

While the first paragraph is alright, I suggest revising it to focus more on the entire structure of the text. It appears to be messy now because it's only huge block of text acting as an overall thesis statement. I recommend dividing it into portions and prioritizing what needs to be given attention to.

The method you transitioned into the second paragraph is also quite odd because of the chunk of transition words. I recommend diversifying your writing portfolio in these sections.

@Maria
Thank you very much for your suggestions, I will try to revise it !