Hey guys, I'm writing about an essay regarding about the topic of Work to live and live to work! Any advice is kindly appreciated!
In today's society, the job choices people can make has become relatively low. Due to the fact that extremely high cost of education in Canada and US, and where high real estate prices in areas of the country in which these desirable jobs are located. For example, even a large salaries will quickly shrink after the costs of mortgage, student debt payment, retirement contribution, and much more; causes most retire with little to no savings. Because of the high education, healthcare, real estate cost, one must work a great number of hours to just live even a bit comfortably. This carries up an often discussed question: Do you work to live, or do you live to work?
For people who fall into the work to live class, they have much less control of the work environment and lower income. Often resulted in a higher stress levels in this class of jobs. For some people in this segment of the working population providing, they can get by they will spend as little time at work as possible. However, there is an increasing number who have to work more than one low-level job to survive.
In contrast, for people who considered as live to work class, they tend to have more control of their work environment and derive greater satisfaction from what they do because of this. So it is to be expected that they will spend more time at work. For many relatively low-paid workers spend long extra hours working without a tangible financial reward.
Awareness raised from the article, for people who are unemployed, it is difficult to describe what they have either leisure or enforced leisure. The definition of free time is for people who can use that time to work and do something useful. Where leisure is not when one encounters an opportunity to escape and relax when you have nothing to escape from.
Here are some corrections I would make..
Due to extremely high costs of education in Canada and US along with soaring real estate prices, job opportunities have become significantly limited.
To add on, those who do have jobs do not have much money left after payments such as mortgages, student debt payment, and retirement contribution. Some do not even have enough for a retirement fund. People have become so busy trying to make a living when at the end of the day, there isn't much left. This raises the question, "Do you work to live, or do you live to work?"
Hi Ethan,
Let me help you by pointing out the most noticeable errors that you make. I would focus on grammatical range and accuracy instead of the content. I hope you can follow through.
- ... of the country in which these desirable jobsare located. (this sentence has more than one connectors but you only have one subject and one verb.)
- For example, even a large salariessalaryorlarge salaries will quickly shrinkcut/decrease/reduce(inappropriate collocation for the word "salary". Those are the list of the appropriate collocation for the word "salary") after the costs of (...), and much more. (stop here and create a new sentence. why did you put a semicolon there?)It causes most retirement with littlefew to no savings.
- Often resulted in a higher stress ... (where is the subject and the verb of this sentence? Try to find out and correct them)
- Awareness raisedrose from the article...
Overall, I think this essay is quite understandable even though some of your errors distract the meaning sometimes. You can post the revision below my message. Do not hesitate to ask if you need further assistance. :)
