'working for the childrens right' - Children engaged in paid work essay

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as
completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning
and taking responsibility.

I am writing about the above topic plz correct my mistakes

I think i am from the one of people who dont agree with this statement. Childrens in the europe countries dont have need to do the work because their expenses are taken by the governmet only they have to do is to concentrate on their education until they graduates and find the job where as in some asian countries like Pakistan, the life of childrens are totally based on their parents and it is the duty of the parents to firstly educate their childrens rather than to do work for the income. There are some parents who are financially bad so when their childrens grow up they engaged them in some kind of work to support their families like they place their childrens on the car workshop, on the roads to sell different things etc. So it is a great responsibility of parents to educate their childs first. This can only be done when their is a support for the poor parents from the government.

Some people who think that childrens should do work so that they gain experience are totally wrong. I think the childrens cannot take experience until they are well educated and if we donot do this then the intellectual habits does not develop and they are just like a robot which will do the same work which we will assign them. Suppose an uneducated child is doing a job and after a long time time ago he was jobless and he is finding very difficulty in finding the job and in this duration he has no income so he was obliged to do some wrong work may be he become a theif or anything worse so if that child was giving education then in the future he can do well for himself like in jobless duration, he can teach the students personally.

There are so many NGO's all over the world which are working on this delimma. The second responsibility is on them to educate the childrens who belong to lower class family. The most famous NGO UNICEF which is working for the childrens right, is doing a good job.

So in the last i must say that it is our obligation and it is conspicuous that we should educate our childrens for their better futrue and prosperity of mankind.

I think i am from the one of people who dont agree with this statement.
You can't begin with this, you need to say WHICH side of the either/or statement you are choosing to argue, In your case, begin with:

"Some people believe that children should begin working when they are young, but I disagree with this point of view."

Be sure to give solid reasons to support your argument.

There are some parents who are financially bad so when their childrens grow up they engaged them in some kind of work to support their families like they place their childrens on the car workshop, on the roads to sell different things etc. So it is a great responsibility of parents to educate their childs first. This can only be done when their is a support for the poor parents from the government.

I think you mean to say:
"In order to meet a family's basic needs, a child may be forced to earn money at a young age. In many countries, child labor is very common. This is different from a child learning as an apprentice, being taught a trade like auto mechanics or sales. Parents must take responsibility for their children's future, by ensuring their proper education. If there is no funding or financial support in their country, the family could be assisted by a rich country's donations."

Dear jenniflower:
you write a fabulous about tje paragraph you mentioned but plz read the whole document. Thankyou for your generous support. also plz give me the tips to obtain good band in IELTs test

Best Regard:
Ibadullah Safdar

This introduction is too long. You do not need to open a discussion in the introduction. An introduction should include the following parts :Motivator: Open the introduction with an attractive statement, which gives some general information about the topic. Thesis statement: to write a thesis statement you should reword the topic. Your opinion: If the topic is an "agree or disagree" one, you should state your opinion (agree or disagree) in the introduction and for other types of essays you should write your opinion in the conclusion. Blueprint: this part of the introduction shows what issues are going to be discussed in the body. In fact, it connects the introduction to the body.


In the conclusion you should restate the thesis statement first, and then write a clincher.