TOEFL "working by hand vs. using machines"

I would be appreciate it very much, if you can edit my essay.

17. Some people like doing work by hand. Others prefer using machines. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

If people want to continue working by hands why can we see a lot of inventions such as computer in our life? Beyond doubt, humans are always trying to find a way for convenient life. Therefore, throughout this long path, invention of machines has profound effects in our daily life. I personally prefer doing work by machines, in that they work as precise as possible, and they work without exhaustion.

Preciseness is the most important working features of machines. Although some old-fashioned people believe that we should not trust to the machines for all of our duties because of their flaws, machines have proven that tasks done by them are more accurate than humans' tasks. As an outstanding illustration, history shows that some striking epics, telling the story of historical events, have deteriorated because of the fact that they reproduced by hands writing and this activity often includes some mistakes.

How can we imagine a machine need a break time during a working day? Working without exhaustion is another reason motivating me to prefer working by machines instead of my hands. If I have to make ten copies of my reports which includes seventy pages with historical methods, certainly, I will resign from this company, but photocopy-machine not only does help me to create these copies without any tire but also lend me a hand to keep my job. In addition, results of a recent research carried out on MIT University, affirm that working by machines is more beneficial for companies, inasmuch as they do not need break times and they use working hours better than humans do.

In conclusion, I prefer using machines for my works. Even if machines have their own errors, they have created for working without mistakes. They can also work inexhaustible. Finally, convenient life equals to applying machines for our monotonous works.

Precision is the most important working features of machines. Although some old-fashioned (what do you mean by old- fashioned? Do you mean conservative?) people believe that we should not rely on merely machines to perform our tasks because of unexpected flaws such as (state some flaws that machines have to support your argument).However, machines have proven that they can perform chores more efficiently than human hands.As an outstanding illustration, history shows that some striking epics, telling the story of historical events, have deteriorated because of the fact that they reproduced by hands writing and this activity often includes some mistakes.(This example is very weak.Try to use another example, such as the invention of chinese printing, which allowed books and pamphlets to be produced quickly and correctly. Or the invention of the cotton gin, which promoted speed of cotton production. Make sure that you state somewhere in your essay that machines promotes speed.)

In conclusion,(don't use "in conclusion" because the reader already knows that the paragraph is the conclusion. Remember, the conclusion is the last thing the reader reads and is probably the things that he or she remembers the most. Maybe, you can try to restate your thesis in a new, refreshing way.) I prefer using machines for my works. Even if machines have their own errors, they have created for working without mistakes. They can also work inexhaustible. Finally,(redundant) convenient life equals to applying machines for our monotonous works.

Your essay has a pretty good base, but I think you need to elaborate a bit more since it is still a bit vague.

Thank you so much Karen, for such a precise editing