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Working while studying pfenomenon.


toseanliu 3 / 1  
Aug 15, 2017   #1
Do you agree/disagree that teenagers should work part time job?

benefits of working while studying



Working while studying may be a reluctant choice for some budget limited students. To me, on the contrary, it can not only larger people's life, but also strengthen people's personalities. My views are mainly based on several reasons below.

First, people always say "knowledge is power", but we cannot learn everything in the class. When working in a coffee shop, students can be trained to be a coffee master. For example, one of my high school classmates loves surfing. He worked in a surf club on summer vacation. He was trained to be a surfing coach and got a license. Now he becomes a professional surfing athlete.

Second, students can make new friends and have a little deposit through part time jobs. Friend made when working would have the same interest in one area. That is, they could be ideal partners if students want to start a business after graduation. Furthermore, the money they earned can be a foundation of their career.

Consequently, the benefit of working while studying is quite obvious. Thus, I can't agree more with students should work part jobs.

zeal 5 / 14 8  
Aug 15, 2017   #2
@toseanliu
hello,
in the third para, it would be better expend with example for the last supporting sentence.

and I am not sure that it is acceptable not to include concluding signal in concluding para.

in addition, the last sentence in the last para is quite deviated from your discussions mentioned above; "I cannot agree more".

it is better to avoid short form in academic writing like "can't".
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,752 3084  
Aug 15, 2017   #3
Liu, it would be in your best interest to always post the complete prompt and not just the discussion question provided. That way I can accurately assess and advice you regarding the proper way to develop and improve your writing style for this particular test.

Your paragraph restatement is confusing. It does not properly represent what the original prompt requirement for discussion is and the method by which it should be approached. As I read your opening statement, I found myself wondering about what you meant by "only larger people's life." Please remember that you are scored heavily on the coherence of your sentences. That means, if your writing does not make sense to the examiner, he will deduct points in your LR, C&C, and GRA scores. Based upon the work that you did in this essay, there will be a tremendous amount of points deduction in those sections for you.

Your concluding statement is also incomplete. It does not accurately represent a complete paragraph that sums up the discussion. You only repeated your opinion but did not restate, in a summarized form, the discussions in relation to your restated opinion.


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